Sloth (30-Oct-05)

October 30, 2005

7 Deadly Sins M6 Sloth (reluctance, laziness)

(The sermon can be heard on line at:
http://www.tenth.ca/audio.htm )

In Herman Melville’s short story Bartleby the Scrivener, Bartleby is hired as a copyist of legal papers for a firm on Wall Street.

At first he stands out by his hard work. He does an extraordinary amount of copying, day and night.

Then just a few days into his job Bartleby is asked to do some simple work checking a document and he replies with the words, “I would prefer not to.”

In fact, in response to every request he now answers, mildly but firmly with 5 words, “I would prefer not to.”

His boss is both baffled and furious. Has Bartley gotten another job? Is he mentally ill? Is this some of kind political protest?

Or as Os Gusiness later speculates in his book The Call could it be sloth?

Sloth has been described in times past as the “noonday demon.” As a kind of apathy that sets in during middle age, like the sluggishness many of us feel right after lunch.

But in our day it seems like sloth sets in earlier than middle age.

Peter Senge author of the Fifth Discipline (quoting Bill O’brien, CEO Hanover of Insurance) says that young people in their 20’s begin their career with zest and fire but by the time they are in their 30’s most have lost their passion.

TIME earlier this year ran an article on the Twixsters, i.e., people who are in their mid to late 20s. In that piece the authors argue that these 20 years something year olds won’t or can’t settle down: they take longer than previous generations to finish school, longer to commit to a career and longer to commit to a partner in marriage.

There are many different social factors that may contribute to a lack of passion in a person’s life; one significant factor is sloth.

Sloth is listed to many people’s surprise as a deadly sin.

What is sloth?

Sloth is not the gift to be able to relax alone or in the company of friends.

Being able to relax is a virtue not vice.

W.H. Davies has said, “What is life full of care, if we have no time to stand and stare.”

Peter Kreeft points out that the person who never relaxes in not a saint but a fidget.

Sloth is more than just couch potato laziness, but a sluggishness of spirit…that causes a person to shrink back causes a person or people, to shrink from some difficult task.

We see this sluggish of spirit in people of God in Deuteronomy 1 as they cower from God’s call to enter the promised land of Canaan:

If you have your Bibles, please turn to Deuteronomy 1.

Spies Sent Out
19 Then, as the LORD our God commanded us, we set out from Horeb and went toward the hill country of the Amorites through all that vast and dreadful desert that you have seen, and so we reached Kadesh Barnea. 20 Then I said to you, "You have reached the hill country of the Amorites, which the LORD our God is giving us. 21 See, the LORD your God has given you the land. Go up and take possession of it as the LORD, the God of your fathers, told you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
22 Then all of you came to me and said, "Let us send men ahead to spy out the land for us and bring back a report about the route we are to take and the towns we will come to."
23 The idea seemed good to me; so I selected twelve of you, one man from each tribe. 24 They left and went up into the hill country, and came to the Valley of Eshcol and explored it. 25 Taking with them some of the fruit of the land, they brought it down to us and reported, "It is a good land that the LORD our God is giving us."
Rebellion Against the LORD
26 But you were unwilling to go up; you rebelled against the command of the LORD your God. 27 You grumbled in your tents and said, "The LORD hates us; so he brought us out of Egypt to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us. 28 Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, 'The people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large, with walls up to the sky. We even saw the Anakites there.' "
29 Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. 30 The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, 31 and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."
32 In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God, 33 who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go.
34 When the LORD heard what you said, he was angry and solemnly swore: 35 "Not a person of this evil generation shall see the good land I swore to give your forefathers, 36 except Caleb son of Jephunneh. He will see it, and I will give him and his descendants the land he set his feet on, because he followed the LORD wholeheartedly."
The Israelites, in this passage shrink back from God’s call upon them to take the promised land of Canaan. They fail to trust the God who has carried them in the past and step up and take the land God has for them.

We tend to see sin as something we do: lying, stealing, adultery, murder are things people do… those are obvious sins a person commits, but sin Biblically speaking can also be defined by what a person does NOT do… there are sins of commission and sins of omission…

When God calls us to do something and we don’t respond because of sloth or fear or whatever… we committing a sin of omission.

Cornelius Plantinga, Jr. defines sin as the vandalism of shalom (the vandalism of wholeness, peace, well being). Part of the reason sloth is deadly sin is because it leads us to not do what God calls us to and that in turns causes the vandalize the shalom in our lives and the lives of others.

This week I was with a member of our community, who’s earned an Ivy league degree and has an MBA from Cambridge, and has worked in some demanding marketplace jobs…

I said you seem like a very hardworking person, how would you advise someone who was struggling with sloth?

He said if you’re lazy whether in your job or at school, it’s going to hurt you…

If you work hard, you’ll do well at school or your job…

He, I know if you’re gifted you can achieve more with less effort, but I tend to agree with the statement (by Thomas Edison) that success is typically 1% inspiration, and 99% perspiration.

All of God’s principles are organic. If we honor God’s teaching concerning sloth, we will tend to flourish, in school, in our work, and in our relationships.

The widely read, Harvard trained psychiatrist M Scott Peck, argues that laziness is a primary reason people fail in their relationships.

Peck, in his book the Road Less Traveled says since love is work, the essence of non-love is laziness.

Many couples who are going through difficulties in their relationship are hoping for a flash of insight from a brilliant counselor that will open the hidden door to relationship bliss.

I totally affirm the important role of gifted counselors can play in our lives.

But for many people who are struggling in a relationship, the key may simply putting effort into the relationship.

If the “feelings” of love have gone out of relationship you sense you are being called to stay in by God, why not think about what you might do if you were “in love” and do 2 or 3 of those things a day for that person.

I know in my relationships with family and my close friends have been helped or hindered by simple effort.

I know people who I am relationship with who have said, “I appreciate your making the effort to__________.”

On the hand, I recall relationship have been strained and someone saying, “That was important to me, I wish you had made the effort to ___________.”

Sloth will affect our work lives, our relationships with people, and our relationship with God…

There are many different angles we could use here, let me take one here.

There are people, who from reflect on occasion on their death on and judgment day… they look back over their lives and they feel sheepish about the time when too far sexually someone particular person… or went to a party and got really wasted and ended up puking or maybe didn’t act total integrity in some kind of financial matter…

Now I am not saying those things are not unimportant, but I tend to agree a pastor named James Emory White that I trained with. It’s his hunch that on judgment when we stand before God and give our account for our lives the biggest deal won’t be some indiscretion we made in our youth, but I think that like the Israelites on the border of Canaan, God may be more concerned about the thing we didn’t try… that we lived to live while were alive…

So, how do we overcome sloth?

One of the ways we can overcome sloth is by living in the awareness that God is and that God has a call on our lives.

Do remember in the Woody Allen’s movie Annie Hall?

Near the beginning of the movie a mother says to the doctor, “My son Alvy is depressed. All off a sudden, he won’t do anything.” The doctor asks, “Are you depressed?” No answer. His mother says to the doctor, “It's something he read. Alvy says, The universe is expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!” Mother’s says to doctor, “He stopped doing his homework”. Alvy says, “What's the point?”

If we believe as scientists have pointed the earth will one day not be able to support life on earth and if we don’t believe is a God and an after all we might well ask with Alvy, “What’s the point of doing anything?”

But if we believe there is a God and we will exist on eternity and that God has a call upon our lives which will affect how we experience eternity that changes everything.

As a boy and teenager… I believed there was a God, but I lived as if there was no God.

I never studied. I worked for the Vancouver Sun as a paper boy and then as a paper shack manager. One day as a shack manager I had to do a kid’s paper route because he was sick. Tt was raining really hard. I remember riding my bike with the kid’s copies of the Sun looking for a big ditch… I found one and tossed them all in the ditch!

Later as a teen I gave my life to Christ, I started studying harder… I began working quite hard at my job stocking shelves at a drug store, at the cafeteria in college, then later for a multinational corporation Tokyo, as a journalist in Southern Cal, now as a minister…

In every job paid or volunteer, so called secular or sacred, I do it with God and for and so I can do I can do it passion….

Knowing God and working as unto God make us work hard at whatever we put our hand to…

If know our particular work is done before God we can work with passion. If we know that the whole life is live before God we can live with passion. To use Jonathan Edward’s we can truly live while we live.

One best ways we can learn to live our before God is by living by a “rule of life.”

The last thing many of us here would want to be is a monk in monastery, but there are elements of beauty in monastic way of life. Several years Sakiko and I spent some at the Iona a monastery in Scotland. For just over a week we lived under a very structured rule of life. We had set times for worship God, set times to do manual labor, set times to involved in study, set times for recreation, we lived our lives under a rule.

Though, I’m obviously not living in monastery, I am seeking (not very successfully) to live by rule of life, to have certain patterns of sleep and eating, to have set times for focused attention on God, set rhythmus work and recreation, set times to be at home and set to be out with people.

For some of us here, crafting a rule would do 2 things: it keeps us active in a good way, but would keep us from being overactive.

If you’re person that who doesn’t naturally read reach, setting some time in in the week for study and reflection will help you grow. Say you’re time of person who loves to exercise and you could easily work out seven days a week for long periods of time, a rule of life might help you to limit your exercise in light of your priorities.

Eugene Peterson, says busy people are too lazy to take control of things.

A rule of life is not a law, but a guide. As Basil Pennington put it not so much a thing to be lived, as some to be lived out of.

If we asked we really want to do? What is it really want to be? A rule can help us create so that can happen.

3rd a way we can overcome sloth is that we can expose ourselves to need and ask for Spirit of God to shape us…

Leighton Ford is older minister and mentor of mine.

Leighton will often ask young people… what is your vision? Often they say, “uh, I don’t have a vision.” Then, he’ll say, if you had a vision, what would it be?

Vision doesn’t typically take place in when our lives hermetically sealed off to needs.

I remember my when my cousin who’s my age took his first business trip to NYC in his early twenties. We were both working in Tokyo. I remember telling him to get out into the streets to see Times Square, the Empire State building, to ride the subway. But his dad who lives in Hawaii told him that NYC was a very dangerous place if he wasn’t working, he would better off staying in his hotel room. When he got back to Tokyo, I said did you get into the streets of Manhattan? He said, “I, uh, ended up staying stayed in my room.”

Staying in your hotel room is not a way to develop a vision for NY or any other city.

Jane Adams models the way to gain a vision for the city. Jane Adams was a young woman from wealthy family in Illinois who wanted to serve God in Chicago. In the late 1800’s she bought a house in one of the poorest sections of Chicago, inhabited mainly by Italians, Greeks and Polish people. On her first night in the house in this poor and dangerous section of Chicago, she was trying to fall asleep in her bedroom on the second floor. She was so uptight she couldn’t sleep. Then as she was lying there in her room, she heard someone opening up her bedroom window from the outside and someone walked into her bedroom. She was so afraid she pretended to be asleep. She could hear the man going through he drawers and stuffing her clothes and valuables into a bag. Then the man walked to the window he came in from. Jane turned on the lamp and she said, uh, you might want to take the stairs—you might get hurt trying to climb down from the window… and the man sat on the edge of her bed and began weeping… He said, I don’t want to do this, but I have a family I need to feed and I don’t have any work…. Out of the experience, Jane Adams set up a company that would employ the poorest people in Chicago…

Yesterday at the men’s breakfast, I sat beside, Matthew a UBC student who attends Tenth and I asked what he wanted to do when he finished school. He said, I want to get involved in international public health. How did you come to want to do that? He said, “When I was 13 years old, my parents were doing a medical mission in China. I remember seeing poor kids with bloated bellies and I asked my dad, “If these kids are so poor, why are they so fat? My dad explained they weren’t getting enough protein. I remember seeing whole in the back of their pants because they had diarrhea, but had no toilets.”

Those images stayed with me. I want to do something.

Frederick Buechner says The place God calls you to is where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.

Exposing yourself to a need and praying that God’s Spirit would shape you will enable you to become a person of vision and passion.
There’s a pastor I know who serves in Los Angeles. One September 11, 2001, all day long like he kept seeing on TV that same scenario of planes crashing into the twin towers.
His wife Kim, said "Erwin, you've got to talk our kids (Aaron and Mariah)." Aaron was 13; Mariah was 9. And I remember sitting down with our kids.
Erwin said, he wanted to tell them, "We're on the other side of the country. It's really, really far away. If you'll just walk with Christ, you don't have anything to worry about."
But he though I have to tell them the truth. And so he told his children that morning we have no control over when we die or even how we die, but what we have control over is how we live.
If we believe God has a call our lives, if learn from a rule that honors God and our design, and if exposing to needs of world, we can become king who really live while as long as we are alive.

Greed (23-Oct-2005)

Greed October 23, 2005
(The sermon can be heard on line at: http://www.tenth.ca/audio.htm )

Gordon Gekko the financial tycoon played by Michael Douglas in the movie Wall Street says at a stockholder’s meeting, “The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed for lack of a better word is good. Greed is right. Greed works.”
Most of us would not say greed is good, but many of us would also hesitate to say greed is bad…
After all isn’t it good to aspire to get ahead financially and acquire the “good things” of life?
Most of probably wouldn’t not name greed in our top ten list of things to “work on.”
We talk about need to lose weight, exercise more, watch less TV, read certain books, pray, but it’s rare to say we need to work on being less greedy and giving away more.
A pastor I know on the East Coast did a series of breakfast talks on the 7 deadly sins and his wife asked if they were advertising the themes and the pastor said yes and she said, “I’ll bet when you speak on greed the attendance will drop.” It did. Why? Because don’t see greed as being an issue for them. Of the 7 Deadly sins greed may be one that people least detect in themselves.
Jesus during his ministry a great about spoke about greed and money and he addresses his subject in Luke 12:13.
If you have your Bibles please turn with me to Luke 12…

13Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me."
14Jesus replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?" 15Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
16And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. 17He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.'
18"Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." '
20"But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?'
21"This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God."
In the passage, a person approaches Jesus and asks him to ask his brother to divide the inheritance with him.

In this culture people often called upon rabbis to settle legal disputes. The eldest son typically received double what others would receive. The proportion of the inheritance was “fixed” so the plaintiff in this case had every legal right to receive his inheritance.

People in the crowd would have been waiting for Jesus to weigh in, but instead of chiming in on the side of one brother or the other, Jesus re-directs the conversation by issuing a warning…

Jesus says be on your guard against all kinds of greed…

A person’s life does not consist in the abundance of his or her possessions.

Watch out for greed, for a person’s life is not defined by what he or she has.

Possessions can have a kind of magical pull on our souls.

Charles Montgomery, a Vancouver based author, in his book the Last Heathen describes how “cargo cults” have sprung up in the islands of the South Pacific.

In places like Melanesia, “messiahs” have promised that if people obey their edicts they receive shiploads of untold riches: cigarettes, spam, rifles, and even jeeps.

Anthropologists have suggested the cargo brought by white people to the islanders were so shockingly different from what the islanders were used to that they thought that they must have come from the “gods.”

While we in North America would not argue that “things” come from the gods, “things” can have an astonishing sway over our souls.

This past week I read about a woman who was standing in line at an electronics store long before opening time to take advantage a big blowout sale which included on a limited number of heavily discounted VCRs. This woman said she wet herself in line because she didn’t want to lose her place by going to the washroom. This week, I read about a man who was in standing in line to buy a Macintosh computer that a school was selling off at ridiculously low prices and he bragged that he held his place line by beating others back with his umbrella.

Money has a kind of magical quality to it…

Money and things can takes on a life of their own, and can become a god substitute. This is why Jesus says you cannot serve both God an money, God and material wealth… both demand absolute allegiance…

Jesus describes money as a kind of substitute god, but it’s a god will never satifisy…

In his book The New Thing, Michael Lewis describes the rise of Silicon Valley by telling of the about the life of Jim Clark who started the internet bubble by creating the billion dollar companies Silicon Valley and Netscape.

When Clark began Silicon Graphics he told a friend all that he really wanted was $10 million. If he could just reach that level he’d be happy. Then, just before he started Netscape, he told one of his young engineers who helped him create his first company that what he’d really like to have is $100 million. Then he reached a personal net worth of $600 million, he said, “I just want to have a billion dollars after taxes then, I’ll be happy…

Donald Trump and a very poor man leaving on garbage dump in Manila were both asked, “How much money would it take to make you happy?” Trump said about 10% more than I’m making now and the man on the garbage dump about 10% more than I making now.

The Hebrew word for money (kesef) comes from a word meaning to desire or to languish after. Like chasing after the wind, our thirst for money can never fully satisfied.

Jesus says be on your guard against all kind of greed, your life does not consist in the abundance of your possessions.

Money can become a false God that does not satisfy and can consume our entire our lives.

In Tolstoy’s unforgettable short story, “How much land does a man need?” Pahom, an ambitious peasant of central Russia is seeking a fortune east of the Volga River. A Bashkir chief offers him a deal he is eager to accept: 1,000 rubles for as much land as he can walk around in a day. Pahom sets out at dawn walking and would have gotten a rich estate. But for his greed for more and more land causes him to run and run and run… He does manage to return to his starting point before sunset, but only to collapse on the spot with blood trickling from his mouth. As Pahom dies, he sees the image of the chief turn into the image of the devil.

Not only does money and material possessions never fully satisfy, but the quest for these as things as Pahom’s life and the Rich Fool’s life in Jesus parable show us, can consume the one and only life on earth that we have.

Frederick Buechner’s ironic statement rings true: “There are people who use their entire lives making money, so they can enjoy the lives they have entirely used up.”

So, how do we deal with greed?
1) C.S. Lewis in his insightful sermon Learning in Wartime, says never in peace or in war, commit your virtue or happiness to the future.

We see that the rich farmer in Jesus’ parable commit his virtue and happiness to the future.

He says to himself, “I’ll go all out and make a mother lode of wealth now and then I’ll settle down and take it easy and enjoy life.”

People will commit their “happiness” to the future by saying things, like I’ll work really hard now and make my wealth and take it easy later.

People will say I don’t have time to take a day off right now or I can’t afford to take the time for a vacation now (according a recent article in the Vancouver Sun 40% of Canadians don’t take all of their vacation days).

God tells He has designed our lives around units of 7 days and all least one every 7 days we are to a mini-vacation from our regular work. Greed for money or grades or a lack of trust in God to provide can cause the command of God to honor the Sabbath.

People will say, “I’ll spend more time with my family and friends, when things settle down.” For most of us, things are not going to settle down for us, until they settle way down--about 6 feet underground.

People will commit their virtue to the future by saying I’ll be honest in my business, when I can afford to be honest…. Johnny Depp ways in the movie Blow, based on the true story of drug dealer George Jung says, one more cocaine deal and I’m done…

Lewis wisely says… “Never commit your virtue to the future.”

Some people say, I can’t afford to be generous now, but when I’m financially better off I’ll be generous then.

Every study shows that the more money people make the less people give away as percentage of your income.

According to study a reported in Time magazine if you make between 10-20,000 a year, your likely to give 5.2 percent of your income away, but if about 100,000 a year you’re likely only give 1.6 percent of your income away.

I was with a pastor in New York City who was telling me that there a young an MBA grad, he knew who was about $10 million a year in Manhattan (depending on how markets performed) and was giving away about 6-7 million.

This pastor and said when he was a poor student college, he learned to tithe the first 10 percent of his income to God, he got that his DNA then and so he continues practice now!

I speak at colleges and universities on the history mission. I often say the students, if you want a person of global impact… one most practical ways you can begin is by giving at the first tenth to work of God… you might give some to missions, your local church, some poor… You may only be earning $200 month working in a cafeteria, but there’s no better time than now to learn to learn to with your income.

Don’t commit your virtue to the future by saying, when I can afford to I’ll rest, I’ll take a vacation, I’ll spend time with family, I’ll be honest, I’ll be generous….

2) If you want to overcome greed, think ahead, much further ahead think in terms of eternity…

The rich farmer was thinking fairly far ahead… as he said to himself I’ll work really hard now, tearing down barns and storing my grain… I’ll wait for a drought and the grain prices to soar and when I’m fabulously wealth and I’ll take life easy and I’ll relax and enjoy…

He was thinking ahead, but not far enough ahead.

He was thinking only terms of this short life.

As undergrad, I remember take an economic class and part of the class involved picking certain stocks and tracking their performance.

Ever since then from to time, I’ve fantasized about being able to know what the markets would do just one day in advance… I could be rich without doing much!

I remember hearing a story about a business man visited by a genie and the genie said I’ll grant anything you want. The businessman said give a copy of the newspaper that will be published 6 months from now… man turned to business section and he discovered, “Oh this is how Microsoft stock will perform, this will be value of the dollar in 6 months against Euro, this will be the price of gold… He becomes giddy with excitement and he flips through the rest of newspaper causally and he turns to the obituary section… and he sees his picture and his bio… turns ashen…

There’s something about realizes your life is coming to end and meeting God face to face that helps you focus what’s really important in life…

When a person’s a terminal illness sometime they’ll say, I would have never chosen this but this is best thing that’s every to happened, because I now realize that matters in life….they become less driven more generous people with their time, love, and resources…
Dominic said, Death will kill a man, but the thought of death can save you…
At the risk sounding morbid, there’s something about looking at death… that gives us wisdom…
There’s something about looking at eternity… that us perspective…
There’s something about living life in light of the reality of God that gives insight…
God says to the rich you fool, tonight your life will be demanded of you… the word fool in this culture means that a person lives as if there is no God… The Bible the fool says in his or her there is no God…
You glean a certain kind by earning a Ph.D in philosophy at U.B.C. or McGill or Oxford… but the most reliable path to wisdom is live in light of our death, in light of eternity, and in light of the reality of God…
When we view our death and stare into fix our eyes on what is and unseen and eternal and on God… we will follow the words of counsel Jesus offers in the next sections. We will be generous people, especially to the poor… we will not hoard treasures on earth where moth, rust destroys and where thieves break in and steal, but we will store up for ourselves treasure in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal and our hearts will be set on God, for where our treasure there our heart will be also…
3) If we want to overcome greed, we will not commit our virtue to the future, we think ahead, much further ahead--we live in light of eternity, and we will live the paradox of the Cross, we will live out the Gospel.

In vs. 21 God rebukes the rich farmer because he is stores up things for himself, but is not generous toward God.

Some of us think that the Gospel is only about Christ dying as a sacrifice on the cross so that our sins can be deleted.

The Gospel is not just about forgiveness, but about a new way to live. The Gospel shows us that life comes through death, rebirth comes by letting go…

It’s only as we let go of our youth (when it’s time to let go our youth) that we can be blessed in a new, richer season of life… It’s only as we let go of certain dreams that weren’t meant be, that we experience unique life God intended for, it’s only as let go a certain idea of God, that we experience the real God….

The way of Jesus Christ is not the way of clinging protectively to something, but the way of letting go…

Have you ever met someone who clings to everything they own?

If that person was your roommate, they drew a line down fridge, and explained that’s my mustard, and mayonnaise, though shall not touch…

If that person was a colleague when an opportunity came around to donate to cancer research, that person thought giving 5$ would a waste of money…

That’s not the way of Jesus Christ… the way of Jesus Christ believes that through giving we receive…

Two weeks ago, I was New York City ago to speak at leadership seminar and at the Sunday morning services a church. One night I was with a friend in New York City and we got talking about giving…

He said, it’s a miracle that we were able to get a home in New York City (prices of homes are seem to be little more than Vancouver, true if you adjust for the exchange rate).

He said (about 15 years) ago, I was making $23,000 (which even if you adjust for inflation and the exchange rate isn’t a lot of money. They had two kids and were soon to have a third. They were renting the basement suite of home, and the owner’s grandmother lived upstairs. The grandmother who lived upstairs was failing physically, my friend and his family would voluntarily check in on her and do what they could to care for her.

When the owners wanted to sell the house, they wanted my friends to buy it. My friends said, we cannot afford it. We don’t even have money for a down payment. We’re not eligible for a mortgage. The owners said you’ve been so kind to our grandmother, you’ve treated her like you were related her like she was part of your family, and we want to sell you the house… the owner said here’s what we’re going to do, instead of charging you rent, we want you to save your rent money until you have enough for a down payment that will qualify you for a mortgage. So they save their for a couple years and that along with a great selling price my friend was able to buy in New York City on a very modest income…

My friend, said we believe in giving. We tithe in our income, and give about 80% percent of extra money through kind of side work we’re involved in because we can live off our income…

We are not rich, but we don’t worry about money… we believe God provides… we don’t give in order to get, but we believe as we give God will provide…

I’ve recently been in contact with retired couple… who’s recently been told by their financial advisor, that their investment income is going run out in the not so distant future… This couple… isn’t stressed… They always given generously to work of God, they have this abundant sense of peace that the God who has always provided for them will do so in the future…

I can’t explain logically, but theologically… in the words of Jesus who said… in the next section of Luke 12:31 (and in Matthew 6:33) as if seek first his Kingdom, all these other things will be added to you…

In the parable Jesus taught if we cling to our life, we will eventually lose it. If seek first the world eventually we lose God and the world. But, if we seek first God we will get God and we get the world too.

Let’s take a moment to pray… pray one these questions…

Are clinging to your life or is release to God?

Are you thinking of wealth in terms this life or eternal wealth?

One day, day going to stand before that God. Are we living in such a way that you'll be ready for that moment?

7 Deadly Sins: Anger (16 Oct. 2005)

“Anger” October 16 2005

(The sermon can be heard on line at: http://www.tenth.ca/audio.htm )

Recently, I was in the express lane at the grocery store. There was someone in front of us who was not “expressing” through the line. She was asking about the price of certain things she was buying… Then she asked the cashier if the change she received was correct. She counted the change and asked once more, “Are you sure this the right change?”

I knew I’d be preaching this Sunday on anger, but I could feel the anger rising up in me.

Ever been driving and had a car cut right in front of you so that you had to brake quickly to avoid an accident?

Have you ever been to the movies and Mr. Big and Tall sat right in front of you?

Ever had an experience where your favorite team lost because of a bad call the referee made?

We’ve all experience anger…

Not all anger is bad. Some anger is justified. Anger against injustice… anger over the fact that a loved one has been wrongly hurt are righteous forms of anger.

The Bible in Psalm 4 and Ephesians 4 point out that it’s possible to be angry and not sin.

Aristotle says that anger is virtuous if it’s the right kind of anger, in the right amount at the right time…

This morning we’re going to look at anger through the story of Cain and Abel. We’re going to look at how we can know whether anger is right or not, how anger can hurt others and us… and how we can deal with it…

If you have your Bibles please turn to Genesis 4.
3 In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD.
4 But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favour on Abel and his offering,
5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favour. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.
6 Then the LORD said to Cain, Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?
7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.
8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, Let's go out to the field. And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.
9 Then the LORD said to Cain, Where is your brother Abel? I don't know, he replied. Am I my brother's keeper?
10 The LORD said, What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground.
11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand.
12 When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.
13 Cain said to the LORD, My punishment is more than I can bear.
14 Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me. r
15 But the LORD said to him, Not so; if anyone kills Cain, he will suffer vengeance seven times over. Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no-one who found him would kill him.
16 So Cain went out from the LORD's presence and lived in the land of Nod, east of Eden.
Cain and his brother Abel brought offerings to the Lord.
The text tells us that Abel’s offering was received by God with favor, but that Cain’s offering was rejected.
This passage bothers some people because it seems to appear that God for no apparent reason accepts Abel’s offering and reject’s Cain’s.
But if we read the text in the original it seems that Abel offered the fat of the first born of the flock--the best part of his animals to God, but that Cain just brought ordinary produce.
Cain rather than being humbled by his failure becomes angry… angry first at God and then angry at his brother Abel…

Cain was the first born son, he was a person whose name meant “to acquire or possess” and apparently he was successful in accumulating things--and it seems that he was proud.

Pride, the first deadly sin, is a gateway sin to many sins including anger… Pride causes as person to over fixate on “I” and “I have a right to…” and if things don’t go “my way” pride will lead a person to anger.

Pride it seems opened the gate for Cain into anger--“why is my brother’s offering praised and not mine”--and anger led Cain to kill his brother Abel.

Anger is considered the most destructive of the deadly sins.

Anger causes us to hurt others.

Cain’s anger leads to murder.

Anger leads to thousands of murders and assaults in North America every year: in homes, the workplace, in traffic.

Anger lead to countless hostile words being said. Anger may lead us to passive-aggressive behavior”--a person says “yes” to do something but delays or botches something on purpose… passively expressing anger…

But Anger hurts others, but anger also hurts us.

Anger leads to all kind of physical ailments: Males who are quick to lose their temple double the chance of a heart attack and the death rate for men who lose their temper quickly is 5x that of the average male.

Anger prevents us from being able to think clearly.
Norm Evans, a all pro tackle player for the Miami Dolphins for several years, once confided, "It's harmful for a football player to get angry.
Evans explained, "Anger is so harmful in football that if I can get an opposing lineman or end angry at me, he will concentrate on beating me and forget to attack the quarterback—and that's my job, protecting the quarterback."
Another pro player that if he can get a defender angry at him, it’s much easier to fool them.
This is of course is not just true in area of sports, but anger will affect our judgment in every area of our lives… it can blind us… that’s why people talk about “blind rage.”

Anger kills out joy.
University of Michigan psychologist Christopher Peterson points out that forgiveness is the trait most strongly linked to happiness. Peterson said, "It's the queen of all virtues, and probably the hardest to come by.
Frederick Buechner says anger is the most fun deadly sin. “To lick your wounds, smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue over the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last morsel of the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back—in many ways is a feast fit for a king.”

The chief drawback is what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.

Anger hurts other’s but it also hurts us.

So how do we deal with anger?

How do we overcome?

1) Practice self care: The fact is the more stressed out we are the more we are prone to anger….

Spending time in prayer and the word are important ingredients to a healthy spiritual life, but so are enough sleep, good diet, and exercise!

You know how when we don’t get enough sleep or are not eating properly we are more irritable? It’s not just babies and young children who get more cranky, if adults are sleep deprived or hungry, we’re more cranky?

I remember a counselor suggesting to a particular couple who would quarrel and snap at search when they’d come home from work to have a glass of orange juice when they got home from work (he suspected that their blood sugar was low at time of the day). For this couple it worked; they stopped quarreling at that time of day.

According to Parker Palmer self-care is never a selfish act, it simply the stewardship of the only gift we have to offer the world.

Second choose not to stay with your anger.

After Cain is disappointed and angry that his offering is not accepted, in verse 7 God warns Cain by telling him that sin is crouching at the door of your life. God says sin “desires to have you, but you must master it.”

Obviously this is a metaphor, but there is a sense in which sin and anger in particular is like a crouching animal. It desires to pounce on us and control us.
Anger can dominate and control us… anger can “do us.”
But God says in the text, you must master it. Particularly early on in a battle with anger we can master it instead of allowing anger to master us.
Some people act as if they have no control over anger. They say you make me angry. Or my boss makes me mad. He’s pisses me off!

Anger may arise spontaneously, and we cannot fully control that, but we can control whether we stay angry.

We cannot avoid the first flush of anger, but we can choose to hold onto anger and nurse it or let go of it.

The word resentment literally means to “re-feel” and we can choose to rehearse in our mind some painful incident and that process will intensify our anger.

Being in touch with our anger can be helpful, expressing anger in prayer to God or to a trusted friend or counselor can very helpful, but there a sense in which “venting” our anger, like blowing on hot coals, can keep our anger alive…

Paul in the book of Ephesians tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. Paul here is using a metaphor to say is deal with anger as quickly as we are able to…

There are times when we experience anger, but according to Paul we are to let it go as soon as we able to.

I was with someone this past week in as part of mentoring North Carolina who serving as a new missionary in Uganda. She was sharing with our group how people in Uganda are so friendly. People will greet you on the streets and say “Hello, how are you?” She was recently vacationing in England and needed to find a grocery store and she approached a British man and said, hello, how are you? He said, what you want!? She said I just want to know if you know if there’s a grocery store nearby? He said, “I don’t know!” Alison ended up finding a grocery story a block away… She was so disgusted by this person’s attitude that she said… it wrecked her vacation…and bothered her for 2 weeks. She said she wished she gone up to this guy and said, excuse, me in case anyone ever any asks you again… there’s a grocery store on the corner a block away! A friend in the group said, “Alison, time to let it go.”

And sometimes we are angry (and perhaps angry about something more serious than that) and sometimes we need to be feel our anger for a time, express it to God, to a trusted friend, in certain cases to the person who has provoked us, but then we need to let it go.

3rd When we are angry, we do we do well to ask ourselves what does this show about what I love and value?

Tim Keller points out that anger is an outflow of love. When we love something and it is threatened we become angry.

As we pointed out earlier, some anger is righteous.

If a loved one is being attacked and we get angry it shows that we love that person.

If a weaker group is attacked and we don’t get angry it shows that we care for the group.

If we trace our anger backwards, we can discover what is really important to us.

Sometimes our anger is directed toward injustice toward a vulnerable person we can affirm that that is a good anger.

But if our anger can also reveal we may love something disproportionately, it can reveal an idol.

Recently, I was about to practice sailing at our friend’s club (slowly working toward certification). It was a cloudy day on False Creek, but it was beginning to clear up and the sun was coming out and I’m like, “yes!”

But then we noticed that propeller was not properly working. Apparently some sea weed had block the engines ability to control the intake water and so we sat in the boat passing tools to the owner… while he trouble shot for about 2 hours.

The skipper and apologized and said I’m sorry for this…

And it was disappointing and irritating… I want to get out there (I thought to myself)! But I reminded myself about this message, kept saying to myself I’m just losing part of the day on the bay.

Do we get angry if our plans for our day off are frustrated?

Do we get angry when something that hurts our pride?

Do we get angry when we get a parking ticket and we saw the sign?

When we are angry? We must ask why am I angry?

What does this show about what I value?

Ask would God be angry at this?

Getting perspective helps me control my anger… asking myself is this something worth getting angry about? Poverty in Sudan? Yes. That my day off was interrupted… disappointed ok…angry--I don’t think so! It is embarrassing to think I can get so ticked about something directly affects me, but rather indifferent to bigger things I should angry about.

A fourth way to deal with anger, is to know we have received great love and mercy in Jesus Christ.

I know a couple of people who have temper issues, but both now are in love (no one here that I am thinking of). They have become much less angry people. When you are in a love relationship and you love and feel loved… you’ll become more loving less angry.

Some people think that falling in love is impractical. Father Pedro Arrupe says falling love is the most practical thing we can do. It will get us out of bed in the morning, determine how we can spend our weekends, what we learn. It will decide everything.

And there’s nothing as practical as being in love with God.

Earlier this month did you see the article in the Vancouver Sun about the young man Nicholas Chow Johnson who was severely by a gang modeling themselves after LA Street Gang, the crips, who wore blue beaten by a gang. Nicholas was walking to his girl friends because he happened to be wearing a red jacket, a color associated with a rival gang and Nicholas was beaten and left in vegetative state. The mother, very understandably, wants to sue the gang member who assaulted her son, even if it means that make the payments for the rest of their life. That’s a normal response. I don’t critique of that.

But I share as a point of comparison for this next story.

There was a 26 year old Korean graduate student who was studying political science at the University of Pennsylvania went out to mail a letter. He was accosted by a gang of teens looking for money. They took his money and killed him. The young man had been a model student and committed Christian.

At the trial the teenagers showed no remorse. The mother of the murder victim had every right to be angry (like Nicholas Chow Johnson’s mom), but she wasn’t. People from her church had voluntarily given for her son to be able to study in North America and when her son was killed, the mother asked for and received money from these same to be able help the teens who had killed her son.

When the young gangsters were convicted in court the Korean mother a devout Christ got down on her knees and pleaded that their lives would be spared…

I don’t know what was going on in her mind, but I know that kind of forgiveness possible, that kind of grace is possible only when we have a deep sense that we have been forgive and loved by God.

No one is naturally able to love like that, but it’s as experience God’s love for us in Christ, we become who people who are able to let go of anger and love….

Prayer:

Focus on receiving the love of God… let go of anger and forgiveness….

Deadly Sins: Envy (05-Oct-2)

Seven Deadly Sins M 3 Envy October 2 2005
The sermon can be heard on line at: http://www.tenth.ca/audio.htm


In the movie Amadeus, Salieri was the court musician in Vienna. He worked hard at his music, writing reasonably good melodies and choral pieces.
As a young man he had prayed fervently, "God, Let me make music that will glorify you… Through my music, help me lift the hearts of people to heaven.”
Then came boy wonder--young Mozart. He music dazzled people. His melodies were complex and fun all at the same time, they soared and seemed to bring heaven to earth.
But Mozart, as the film portrayed him, was immature, vain, and vulgar. He chased girls around the room and he giggled with a silly irritating laugh. Salieri grew green with envy. Why should Mozart be blessed with such talents? Salieri lived a holy and obedient life. Mozart was worldly brat! Salieri spent a lifetime of hard and tedious work. Why should it all come so easily for the young Mozart?
Envy. Envy has traditionally has been considered the secondly deadly after pride and has been seen as the most pervasive deadly sin.

Envy at one level or another, affects us all.

This morning we’re going to look at the nature of envy and how we can deal with this, green-eyed monster through the story of Saul and David.

If you have your Bibles please turn to 1 Samuel 18.

In the previous chapter, David the young shepherd has killed the giant Goliath with a sling and a stone.
Saul's Jealousy of David
1 After David had finished talking with Saul (i.e. King Saul of Israel, who though considerably bigger than David did not want to fight Goliath) , Jonathan (King Saul’s son) became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
5 Whatever Saul sent him to do, David did it so successfully that Saul gave him a high rank in the army. This pleased all the people, and Saul's officers as well.
6 When the men were returning home after David had killed the Philistine, the women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and with tambourines and lutes. 7 As they danced, they sang:
"Saul has slain his thousands,
and David his tens of thousands."
8 Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. "They have credited David with tens of thousands," he thought, "but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?" 9 And from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David (in the New Testament the word translated envy literally evil eye).
10 The next day an evil spirit from God came forcefully upon Saul. He was prophesying in his house, while David was playing the harp, as he usually did. Saul had a spear in his hand 11 and he hurled it, saying to himself, "I'll pin David to the wall." But David eluded him twice.
As I said earlier, pride has traditionally been listed as the first “Deadly Sin” and envy the second deadly sin.

Pride has traditionally been listed as the first deadly sin, in part because it’s a kind of gateway sin that leads to other sins.

One of the sins that pride causes us to commit is the sin of envy.

We see this pattern in Saul. When Saul was first about to be proclaimed King by the prophet Samuel, Saul was hiding among the baggage. He didn’t think he was worthy to be King! He had been humble to a fault. But he became King. And as his power and wealth increased, Saul became proud. When you are proud you feel like you are entitled to all the “good” things of life and you become resentful, envious if someone seems to be enjoying them instead of you.
When David was praised for his military conquests and the women sang as they danced, "Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands." The text tells that Saul became angry and from that time on he kept a jealous eye on David.
Why was Saul so angry, so jealous, so envious? Because Saul was proud and felt he was the one entitled to praise!
Back when I was in high school, I remember a friend of mine named Rod telling me about what had happened at his high school awards night. At a certain point in the evening someone from the platform announced “This year’s male athlete of the year is…” A student stood up and turned toward to the aisle but the announcer ended up calling someone else’s name, he called my friend Rod’s name. My friend Rod said I couldn’t believe they choose me, I am volley ball player! I thought for sure they’d choose the guy who stood up.

I didn’t know the other guy, but I imagine if he had the pride to presume that he was the school’s male athlete of the year and saw someone else getting the award, he would not just be disappointed, he’d be angry and envious.

Pride leads to envy.

Richard Rohr says, Too much of a fixation on “I coupled “I have a right to” will lead to hate.

Too much of a fixation on “I” coupled with “I have right to” (i.e. pride) will also lead to envy.

Coveting is a sin, but envy is a deadly sin.

Coveting says, I want your grades, I want your job, your looks, your artistic gifts, your money, your partner, your car, your tattoo, whatever.

Envy is an intensified cousin of covet. Envy says I want your __________ and I don’t want you to have it.

Envy is not so much about looking up to someone, but it’s wanting to bring some down.

Like the guy who opened a bottle and out came the genie. And the genie I said I’ll give whatever wish you want, but whatever your rival is going twice as much of what you want me to give you. So, if you ask for a million your rival gets 2 million. You ask for a Ferrari, your rival gets two. The guy thought about for a moment and said, “Scare half to death.”

Envy causes to want to bring some else down…

In Iowa two striking women found themselves grappling with for the same boyfriend. Cindy and Sonya had grown up together and had competed in local beauty contests. Cindy was Miss Harvest Queen and Sonya was named Miss Homecoming Queen. But, the competition between them really intensified when they both fell in love with Jim a strapping, promising and eligible young man. Jim began dating Cindy, but ended up leaving Cindy for Sonya. Sonya felt as though Jim and Sonya had stabbed her in the ribs. It was bad enough that Cindy had lost Jim, but what was even worse was the thought that her rival Sonya had walked off with her trophy and that her hated rival was living in bliss/ So Cindy slew Sonya. One night Cindy strangled Sonya with a leather belt.
Envy, of course, does not always lead a person to bring to destroy another in such a dramatic way.

But does envy inclines for us to bring others down in one form or another.

Henry Fairlie, in his perceptive book the Seven Deadly Sins says what we are unable to achieve we bring low.

If we can’t compete in something, we can try to “change the standards.”

If we can’t tennis very well, we can say let’s play without the net and with any lines. I am now landing 100% of my first serve, hey that’s better Roger Federer or Maria Sharapova. I don’t what you call that, but that’s not tennis.

A person isn’t very artistic, paints something and a friend says euphemistically, unique, never seen anything quite like. The person says I am avant guard—brand new genere…

We can bring the achievements low by changing the standards, we can bring others low by using the conjunction but,

“He may be really good at school, but no common sense.”

Or a lot of guys do think she’s really pretty, but she’s so superficial.

Drive through an upscale neighborhood they may be rich, but their not happy.

Or bring others low, buy making an unfavorable comparison…

You impressed with that lawn? I’ve have friend whose lawn is like a putting green…

Or you think Jane’s daughter is good at violin, ohhhh you should listen to my niece…

Envy seeks to brings others low, but will also bring us low….

Like pride, envy guts our joy.

Saul in our story envies David and his envy leads him to try to hurt David… The text tells us an evil spirit from God comes over him… This text may mean that God who has power of over the demons sends or allows an evil Spirit to torment Saul. Biblical scholar Walter Brueggemann, points out that this description of an evil spirit may simply an ancient way for people to describe a mental illness…

But, however, you interpret this difficult passage… There’s clearly a link between between Saul’s envy and the destruction of his personal well being… His envy seems to open the door to anger, depression, violence.

Envy has a way of destroying our joy and our well being.

Some sins are “enjoyable—at least for a time” envy makes the envier miserable.

Envy makes a person “stew in their juices.”

The more the envy the greater the torment.

When David was praised, Saul became furious.

Sir John Gielgud the gifted British actor who specialized in Shakespearean roles said with great candor, “When Laurance Olivier played Hamlet, and I critics raved, I wept.”

Envy also hurts us in that it also prevents us from learning from others.

If we envy someone we can’t learn from them.

We tend to be envious of those with whom we share something in common: students tend to envy students, artists artists, athletes, athletes, academics, academics, ministers, ministers… (My friend Pete Scazzero from spoke here earlier this year. Pete’s of Italian ancestry and he comes a family of bakers. He says every year there’s this big baker’s national convention. He says uncle at these convention wants to have the better cannoli this year than that baker from Ohio.)

Sounds stupid, but we do the same in our field.

How does this hurt us? If we envy someone in our field, we really lose the opportunity to learn from them.

My younger brother is artist and an aspiring film maker who hosts a national arts program (when his company the CBC is not on strike at least). He’s my little brother, but I have much to learn from his creativity. If I saw him as my competitor, as a threat I would forfeit the opportunity to learn from him.

David was a young, but he was an extraordinary warrior. If Saul were humble he could learn from David, but he was proud and envious and wanted to kill him.

So envy can hurt us by gutting our joy and preventing us from learning from others.

So how do we overcome envy?

Resist comparing to others and recognize your unique call. Studies have shown that people who tend to compare with others, tend to be less happy.

Resist the temptation to compare and embrace our unique call.

Rabbi Zushya says, “In the next world, God will not ask me, ‘Why were you not Moses?’ He’ll ask me, ‘Why were you not Zushya?’”

When the next life, God will not ask why were not your rival, but why were you not your self?

We can overcome envy by recognizing God’s grace to us.

Jonah the prophet was called by God to preach to the Ninevites, who were the ruthless enemies for the Israelites. He didn’t want to preach to them because if he were “successful” in his preaching mission and they turned to God, he didn’t want God to bless his hated enemies. So when God calls Jonah to the Ninevites, what does he do? Instead of going to East Nineveh in modern day Iraq, Jonah jumps on a boat going West to Spain.

The ship ends up floating into a storm and Jonah ends up being thrown overboard by the crew because they realize God has sent the storm because Jonah is running from God.

Jonah thinks he’s going to die, but God sends a large fish, in the belly of the whale Jonah realizes that God has been merciful to him this racist, bigoted sinner… so Jonah becomes willing, though somewhat reluctant, to offer God’s Word to his enemies.

When we realize how merciful God has been to us, we are more likely to be ok with God being more loving to others.

A person, who I confess resenting is Martha Stewart (and not for the reasons that some of you may resent her. I don’t aspire to set the perfect Thanksgiving table). I resent that the fact that she’s become the homemaking guru, but has drove away her husband and members of her family in the process. I resent the fact that after she was convicted of inside trading her stock went up 400% during one period and now she plays the role as the host of the Apprentice.

Then I have to say wait a minute, do I really deserve to be pastor of Tenth Avenue Church—no. Do I deserve to be married to such a great person? No. Did I deserve my parents? No. Did deserve to be adopted by God? No.

When I take a deep look at myself, and say boy you in so many ways, you’ve an irresponsible idiot!

But, look at the way God has blessed you!

OK… God bless Martha Stewart…

There’s a minister who’s sort of mentor figure to me named Tim Keller and once when he was a young pastor, there was a teenager who came to see him. She was really skinny--skinny to the point of being unattractive… She’s complaining that she so depressed because no boys ever showed any interest in her. Tim says you don’t need to be discouraged, you don’t need to feel bad—after fall, don’t you realize Jesus loves you and Jesus died for you and you belong to Jesus?

This teenager responds, yeah so… what good is that if I can’t any dates?

We roll our eyes at her, but don’t we do that ourselves? Don’t we forget how blessed we are and instead focus on some else who seems more blessed than us?

It’s as we realize how much grace we’ve given by God that we can give grace to others…

How else do we overcome envy?

There’s some I admire, who I’m also tempted to envy. Some time ago this person, promised to do something I had asked him to do, but then at the last minute felt he had back out (don’t worry it’s no one here). So, I am also tempted to resent him.

I came across this person recently and as he’s come to mind I pray for him.

Jesus told us in his sermon, to love our enemies and to pray for those who hurt us.

He said this obviously for the sake our enemies and our relationships, but I also believe he said this for our sake, because there is a healing in us when we pray those we want to hate.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer says in Life Together the most significant thing we can do for another is pray for them. He writes:
I can no longer condemn or hate a brother for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble he causes me. His face, that hitherto may have been strange and intolerable to me, is transformed in intercession into the countenance of a brother for whom Christ died, the face of a forgiven sinner. This is a happy discovery for the Christian who begins to pray for others.

There’s healing that occurs when we pray for others.

Embrace your unique call, realize God’s grace, pray for those you’re tempted to envy.

As we come to the Lord’s table let’s remember God’s grace to us…

On the night he was betrayed he took bread and broke it and said this is my body broken for you…

This blood shed for you…

As we remember we have grace… we can in turn bless others…