Sexual Integrity

Deuteronomy Series M-6 Oct 28, 2012 Speaker: Ken Shigematsu Title: Sexual Integrity Text: Deuteronomy 5:18; 22:22 & Matthew 5:27-32 BIG IDEA: When we are sexual faithful we reflect the image of a God who is faithful. INTRODUCTION: Chris Yuan: We live in a time when it’s easier than ever before to have an affair. Unlike ancient times, in the modern workplace, men and women have the opportunity to work side-by-side on projects that are stressful and exhilarating and that can bond people in powerful ways. Working relationships and friendships can slowly turn into affairs and it’s is myth that only bad people and bad marriages have affairs. People in good marriages, are also having affairs. Sometimes things can start very innocently but then move into a place of dangerous emotional or physical intimacy that can threaten your or someone else’s marriage. Of course, the Internet has made it easier for online “friendships” to turn into affairs and there are even websites designed to facilitate extramarital affairs. Have you heard about the personals websites designed to facilitate extramarital affairs? They give you immediate access to thousands of men and women willing to kick their vows to the curb for a no-strings-attached sexual encounter. Some of these sites have had astounding success. One began a few years ago—and in just one month—about 700,000 men and women used the site to have an affair, and since then, site membership grew to millions of people. It sees its largest traffic just after Father's Day (when men feel most unappreciated) and Valentine's Day (when women feel most unappreciated). The CEO of one these sites, Noel Biderman, shrugs off any criticism, saying, "We're just a platform. No website or 30-second ad is going to convince anyone to cheat. He went on to insist "humans aren't meant to be monogamous." But when asked, “How would you feel if your wife used the site?” He said, "I would be devastated." It’s easier than ever before to have an affair, but the results are as devastating as they have always been. God in his love for us wants us to avoid experiencing the devastation that comes from adultery. And as we see in Deuteronomy, God over and over says that he calls us to trust and obey his commandments, as we saw last week, not so that we miss out or so that our life will be wrecked in some way but so that we might experience life to the full. In his sermon on the banks of the Jordan River to the people of God who are preparing to the enter the Promised Land, Moses in Deuteronomy, Chapter 5, verse 18 says “And you shall not commit adultery.” PRAY. In this message, we explore how when we are sexually faithfulness we mirror the image of God and then we will look at how we can become people who are sexually faithful. First, let’s look how when we are sexual faithful we mirrors God. As we saw last Sunday, the laws of God and in particular the Ten Commandments which includes the commandment “you shall not commit adultery” are not merely some abstract set of moral imperatives. The Ten Commandments reflect the very nature of God and because we were made in God’s image, when we live in ways that are consistent with the Ten Commandments – we honor our design and we flourish. So in what way do we reflect the image of God when we are sexually faithful, that is when we are true to God’s call to be sexually pure—chaste as a single person or loyal as married person? When we are sexually faithful we reflect God's faithfulness. In Genesis 15 we see how God made his covenant with Abraham, the forefather of the children of Israel. God asked Abraham to bring three animals and two birds, and, according to the rituals of that time, Abraham slaughters them. He cuts each of them in half and lays out the pieces in two rows. According to ancient tradition, after the carcasses were laid out the two covenant partners were to walk through the bloody passageway as a sign of their commitment. As they walked through between the carcasses they was saying, ‘Let me be like these slaughtered animals if I ever break the terms of this covenant.’ But in Genesis 15 as God is making his covenant with Abraham, Abraham falls into a deep sleep and only God symbolized by the torch of blazing fire passed between the pieces, and God is saying unilaterally to Abraham, ‘If I break the terms of my covenant with you, may I be like these dead animals.’ And this is amazing because the gods of the ancient world were self-serving, capricious, and arbitrary. And when a god or a king was creating a covenant with an ordinary person, only the ordinary person, the person of lower status, would be required to walk between the dead carcasses and subject themselves to being cursed if they broke the covenant. But here in this story, it’s the higher ranking party, i.e., God himself, who walks between the dead pieces of the animals. And God, in walking through the two rows of the cut up animals (use props), is saying “I will be faithful to my end of the covenant, even if my people are disobedient, commit adultery, are greedy, cruel, vain, proud, selfish – I am going to make an unconditional covenant with Abraham and his offspring.” In this picture, we see God’s breathtaking faithfulness, something that is radically in contrast with the gods of the Ancient Near East. And even though God’s people flagrantly disregarded their part of the covenant, 2000 years later God would keep his word and take the bloody curse—his people deserved—upon himself on a cross just outside Jerusalem as He allowed himself to be cut, and his blood spilled for us so that we might be forgiven and reconciled to God. God has been faithful to us, and when we are faithful to God sexually and in other ways we reflect the image of God who is faithful. So when we are faithful sexually, we are mirroring a God who is faithful. When we are sexually faithful, we are also mirroring a God who loves the well-being of families and communities. Now if you read ahead to Deuteronomy 22:22 you will see that if a person committed adultery, they were liable to the death penalty. In ancient Mesopotamia, according to the Code of Hammurabi, an adulterous couple was to face the death penalty. And so while this penalty for adultery sounds extremely harsh to our ears, this was the way adultery was punished in the ancient world. But we may ask, ‘Why such a harsh penalty for what many consider to be a private sin?’ Remember that Israel at this time is a theocracy ruled by God. It’s not a pluralist democracy like Canada today. And adultery, as Old Testament scholar Chris Wright points out, was an attack on the stability of the household, and, therefore, a threat to the nation’s relationship with God. People knew that adultery would have disastrous social effects on a person’s family. And as the family was undermined by sexual unfaithfulness, that in turn would destabilize people’s relationship with God. And when you are living in a theocracy where the highest goods are to love God, and to love your neighbor as yourself, anything that undermines one’s relationship with God or unravels the fabric of family life was considered a national threat and would require a severe penalty. If you are an ambassador for your country and you commit treason, or if you make an attempt on the life of a police officer, or say our Prime Minister – there are severe penalties for these kinds of crimes because they are seen as acts that will destabilize our society. And in a theocracy like ancient Israel, adultery, which would undermine a family and their relationship with God, was considered a national threat. Now let me be clear, we live in a pluralist democracy, not a theocracy like ancient Israel, and I’m not advocating that we should institute the death penalty for adultery. But one thing hasn’t changed across the last 4,000 years, and that is how adultery really does undermine our marriages, family, and the fabric of our society. John Edwards south of the border ran for his party's presidential nomination 4 years ago. Sn the book Resilience, his wife, Elizabeth, wrote about how her husband's adultery affected her. When she and John were first married, she had directly asked him to be faithful. Her fear of having an unfaithful husband was formed by seeing what her mother had experienced. Her mother suspected that her husband had been unfaithful, and though she never confronted him about it, she lived with a nagging, painful uncertainty for many years. Elizabeth learned about this as a teenager when reading her mother's journal, which she found one day in their home. Seeing how even the suspicion of unfaithfulness had tormented her mother's heart stamped Elizabeth's own heart. Even so, she had great confidence in John's love for her. She had not been suspicious of him. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, John stood by her during her treatment. In 2006, Elizabeth encouraged him to travel without her when necessary to pursue his political dreams. At this time Elizabeth did not know that soon after beginning the campaign her husband had begun an ongoing adulterous relationship with another woman. Then, on December 30, 2006, almost a year after beginning the ongoing affair, John admitted to his wife of 28 years that he had been unfaithful on one occasion. Elizabeth wrote: After I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up. And the next day John and I spoke. He wasn't coy, but it turned out he wasn't forthright either… So much has happened that it is sometimes hard for me to gather my feelings from that moment. I felt that the ground underneath me had been pulled away. I wanted him to drop out of the race, protect our family… I spent months learning to live with [what I assumed was] a single incidence of infidelity. And I would like to say that a single incidence is easy to overcome, but it is not. I am who I am. I am imperfect in a million ways, but I always thought I was the kind of woman, the kind of wife to whom a husband would be faithful. I had asked for fidelity, begged for it, really, when we married. I never need flowers or jewelry; I don't care about vacations or a nice car. But I need you to be faithful. Leave me, if you must, but be faithful to me if you are with me. Elizabeth Edwards was devastated by her husband’s unfaithfulness. And affairs end up being terribly destructive. God loves faithfulness because he is faithful and when we are faithful we reflect God’s image. And God loves sexual faithfulness it protects people and families he loves. So when are we are sexually faithful, we honor God. A great example of this comes from the life of Joseph. Joseph was the great-grandson of Abraham and Sarah who was betrayed by his brothers, and sold as a slave to the Egyptians. Joseph was a diligent and able slave of a high ranking government official named Potiphar. Joseph was a person of deep insight, and had a gift for leadership. He was also very handsome. His master’s wife took notice of him and she tried to seduce him. One day she grabbed him and said come to bed with me. Joseph responded in a remarkable way. He said, ‘Your husband has entrusted everything he owns to my care except you, because you are his wife.’ He doesn’t just say sleeping with her would wrong her husband, but rather says, ‘How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God.’ So Joseph’s faithfulness sexually sprung from of his desire to be faithful to God. When we are sexually faithful—true to what he has called us to—we honor God, ourselves, and other families. Let me make several observations which I hope will be helpful to apply this in our modern context. (This point comes before #1 in the sermon outline). Practice faithfulness in small things (keep each title for several seconds) Faithfulness is a spiritual muscle that can be developed with use. Jesus in Luke 16:10, said “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones.” While in the context he wasn't specifically talking about sexual faithfulness, the principle still applies. If we are faithful and relatively small things: if when we agree to do something – we follow through, if we are part of a small group we attend –even when it's inconvenient – we attend. If agreed to serve—we show up. Obviously there are situations where we need to adjust for the sake of others, but part of the way become faithful is by exercising faithfulness. We can be faithful in small things sexually by not flirting or fantasizing or risky situations. Take radical action Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, commenting on this passage says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5: 27-28). In the Greek Jesus is saying anyone who looks at a woman or a man in order to lust – the Greek word is epethumeo which means to over desire someone sexually, has already committed adultery with that person in their heart. Attraction in itself is a good thing. When Adam first saw Eve in the garden he sings ‘Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.’ In the Hebrew he is reciting poetry, he is astonished at her beauty, revels in her splendor. To be sexually alive and attracted is natural and good. But when we begin to look at someone in order to desire them sexually, we begin to over desire them – meaning that if we could we would take them sexually then we have crossed a line. And Jesus says to deal radically with it. That is gouge out your eye, cut your hand off. He is using hyperbole here, but he is saying is if you’re struggling with lust, which is the first step to actual physical adultery or to sex outside of God’s will, deal radically with it. This for all of us may mean that we are judicious about the kind of movies we see, about the images on the internet or magazines that we expose ourselves to and for some it mean getting rid of your TV or a home computer as friends of mine have done. Practice Transparency with Your Spouse (or if you are single with a trusted, appropriate friend) Research by Dr. Shirley Glass in her book Not “Just Friends” shows that part of the reason why an actual affair can hold such power over a person, whether it’s an emotional affair or a physical affair, is because of its secrecy that typically surrounds such relationships (It’s a book that more 400 pages—I will be tweeting from the book this week: @KenShigematsu (Edlyn, can you get logo and my name to line up so they are parallel of roughly equal size?—please also make available for the end of my announcement re: Lee). She and others point out that when you are able to confess the emotional or physical affair with your partner, much of the mystique evaporates from the relationship and you are freer to disentangle yourself from it. And the same dynamic holds true in other related areas – part of the reason why people who are struggling with lust through pornography is because there is often secrecy that shrouds these activities. But if we are able to trust our partner if we have one, or a trusted friend, and ask them to hold us accountable, then we can experience real freedom. In James 5:16 we read, Therefore confess your sins [and temptations] to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. As a guy, as is probably true of some of you, it doesn’t require that much courage for me to jump out of an airplane with a parachute on my back, or to rappel down a 100 foot cliff or to engage in contact sports as I did when I was younger. But it can be terrifying for me to open up my heart and be completely transparent, but it’s something across the years that I have sought to cultivate with my wife and some trusted friends. And sometimes it’s easier to be transparent with a complete stranger on an airplane or a relative stranger like the person who cuts our hair, but if we want to protect our marriages, o we will to cultivate transparency with our marriage partner or future partner, or with a close friend who is not a potential alternate to our spouse…. Cultivate Friendships with people who will Encourage Sexual Faithfulness Third, we need to have good social support systems to encourage us to be sexually faithful. That’s why small groups, mentoring relationships with people who know Christ, peer friendships with those who know Christ, where you can talk frankly about the temptations you are facing is so important. In Hebrews 10:24-25 we read: And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Al Peterson tells a story of a woman who was at lunch with eleven other people – this mom’s group had been studying French together while their kids were in pre-school. One woman asked the group, “How many of you have been faithful to your husband’s throughout your marriage?” Only one woman at the table raised her hand. That evening the woman told her husband the story and she added that she herself was not the one who raised her hand. “But I’ve been faithful” she assured him. “Then why didn’t you raise your hand?” She replied. “I was ashamed.” If we want to protect our marriages, we don’t want the people in our life encouraging us to be unfaithful. When I’ve had opportunities to cross the line sexually that I know would dishonor God – both that person and myself. And there have been times that I have confided those temptations with people that am close to, but who don’t share the values of God on this matter – and they’ve said, “You idiot – you should have gone for it!” Facing temptation, if we want to protect our marriages and honor God, we should confide in people who share God’s values and who are friends of our marriage and someone with enough backbone and to speak the hard truth to us. Talk About Sexual Integrity with Your Children (and members of your faith family). And if you have children one day, teach your children about godly sexuality. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 was given to members of all the families and households in ancient Israel: ‘These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.’ The commandment here refers primarily to the Ten Commandments, which includes one about sexuality which we have spoken about today, as well as coveting somebody else’s spouse. God wants us to talk about sexuality in the context of our family (and close friends). It’s more than just having one talk about the “facts of life” and getting it over with. God wants us to have an ongoing conversation with our kids about their bodies, the physical and hormonal changes they will face, dating, and marriage. You can go through a good book from a Christian perspective that is targeted at kids at appropriate age levels to talk with them about matters of sexuality. (On matters as powerful as sexuality it is not enough to hear one sermon on sex like this, we must talk about this stuff and how we apply with our kids and close, trusted friends). And perhaps most powerfully—regardless of our past—from here forward to model what healthy faithful sexuality looks like through our own lives. One of my grandfathers was a very powerful CEO who hobnobbed with the rich and famous, had multiple mistresses, and there are a lot of people who would look at his sexual conquests and would think “He’s a stud” “He’s a cool guy” “He has an enviable lifestyle.” And then by contrast I look at my own parents who have been married for more than 50 years. They have remained true to one another and their love is deeper and stronger now than it was 50 years ago. Although there is certain attractiveness to both kinds of lifestyles, there is a far greater beauty in the latter--in the example of a faithful love because that reflects the God in whose image we were made. My parents us given us five children so many gifts, but one the important priceless gifts they’ve given us is the gift of their growing faithful love toward. If you are married or get married one day, regardless of your past, you give that gift to people around from here forward. Finally, I want to say something about grace. In an audience this size there is no doubt that many people here have experienced some kind of sexual compromised in some way. At the end of John 8, Jesus a woman caught in the act of adultery is dragged to Jesus by the Pharisees and teachers the law says “The law of Moses tells us to stone such a person.” Jesus bends down and begins to write something on the ground – we don't know what he writes – but he may well be writing down the Ten Commandments… He looks up and says, “He who is without sin let him cast the first stone.” One by one the people drop their stones and walk away.” The woman is trembling and Jesus, says no one has condemned you and neither do I. Go and leave your life of sin. He forgives her and the reasons he can say to us “I forgive you” – the reason he can say don't stone her and don’t stone us–is because he would soon allow himself to be stoned, to be cut on cross so that she and we would never have to be stoned, cut, cursed and condemned. And when we realize how deeply were loved by Jesus and receive the forgiveness and new beginning he offers and invite him as the ultimate faithful one to live his life to us, we can like him—like God – faithful and true. Pray: Ezekiel 36 4 “‘For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land.(AS) 25 I will sprinkle(AT) clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse(AU) you from all your impurities(AV)and from all your idols.(AW) 26 I will give you a new heart(AX) and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone(AY) and give you a heart of flesh.(AZ) 27 And I will put my Spirit(BA) in you and move you to follow my decrees(BB) and be careful to keep my laws.(BC)