The Power of Words: Prov.18:20-21:Nov.19, 2006
Proverbs M 10 The Power of Words Text Proverbs 18:20-21
It was his first day on the job. He was a new clerk in the green goods department of a super market. A lady came up to him and said she wanted to buy half of a head of lettuce. He tried to dissuade her from that goal, but she persisted.
Finally he said, "I'll have to go back and talk to the manager."
He went to the rear of the store to talk to the manager, not noticing that the woman was walking right behind him. When he got into the back of the store, he said to the manager, "There's some stupid old hag out there who wants to buy half a head of lettuce. What should I tell her?"
Seeing the horrified look on the face of the manager, he turned about and, seeing the woman, added, "And this lovely lady wants to buy the other half of the head of lettuce. Will it be all right?"
Considerably relieved, the manager said, "That would be fine."
Later in the day, he congratulated the boy on his quick thinking. He then asked, "Where are you from, son?"
The boy said, "I'm from Toronto--the home of beautiful hockey players and ugly women."
The manager looked at him and said, "My wife is from Toronto."
The boy said, "Oh, what team did she play for?"
Most of us are not as quick thinking as this kid from Toronto, but all of us have known what is like to get in trouble because of something we have said.
Words have great power. James a writer of part of the New Testament part of the Bible, says that the tongue is very small, but like the small rudder of a large ship, our tongue can set the course of our whole life.
A king asked one of his servants to travel through the whole Kingdom and bring back the item in the Kingdom that was most destructive… after some time, the servant came back into the king’s a presence with a covered silver platter. He lifted the platter and on it was a tongue. The king then asked the servant to go out again and bring what was most healing and life-giving… the servant went out and after some time, came back into the king’s presence with a silver platter with a cover and he lifted the cover and on there was a tongue on it.
The tongue has the power to hurt and to heal.
The writer of the Proverbs recognizes this and so he as one commentator observes, 1/3 of the Proverbs deal directly or indirectly with communication.
If you have your Bibles please turn to Proverbs 18:20-21
20 From the fruit of their mouths people's stomachs are filled;
with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.
21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
20 From the fruit of their mouths people's stomachs are filled;
with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.
We tend to think of the tongue as simply passing information. But as the writer of the book of Proverbs in vs. 20 the tongue creates a kind of food, that can either poison or nourish the one who eats the fruit of a person’s mouth.
21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
The writer of this Proverb is saying… that there are organically connected rewards associated with speech.
The person who “dishes up” something deadly with their tongue destroys other people, they destroy relationships, and their tongue ends up destroying them.
The person who dishes up something life-giving gives life to others, life to the community and receives life.
The tongue has a reciprocal, “give and take” nature to it.
21. The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
If we use our tongue to hurt we will be hurt, but if we use our tongue to heal we will be healed.
This morning, we’re going to look at the kind of speech that destroys and we’re going to look at the kind of speech that gives life.
A form of speech that the Proverbs lists as destructive is lies.
Lying
Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us the Lord hates lies.
Proverbs 12:22 tells us the Lord detests lying lips.
The writer of the Proverbs says in Proverbs 30:8 keep me from all falsehoods.
Why does God hate lies?
Proverbs 25:18 tells us that lying can be like using a club or an arrow against someone…
Proverbs 26:28 says a lying tongue hates those it hurts.
Lies involve more than simply the breaking of some kind of abstract rule, but lies hurt our neighbor…
People have asked me, what would cause a friendship with you to be damaged?
I’ve said, “Lying.” Have you ever been lied to and afterwards discovered that?
How did you feel?
You likely felt disrespected. You may have felt the person was being condescending to you, in that the person didn’t feel you could handle the truth. Perhaps you felt manipulated.
Lying also sets up a wall between the person you’ve lied to and reality. So the person is not able to make a good decision. It also sets a wall between you and the person. When you lie to someone you erect a wall distancing yourself from someone and you manage your communication with person for a place of emotional distance.
One of the reasons the Lord hates lying is because when we lie we fail to love our neighbor as ourselves—which is one of the two great commandments.
Lying also splits us.
Thomas More was a Christian man and significant leader in England in the 1500s who got political trouble for not supporting the annulment King Henry VIII’s marriage to Catherine and his new marriage to Anne Boleyn. Then More was sentenced to death because his Christian conscience would not allow him to support Henry VIII as being the head of the church… According to the play by Sir Robert Bolt's play based on More's life, More’s beautiful daughter Meg says to him, Father please recant, lie so that you can save your life…” More replies "'When a man takes an oath, Meg, he's holding his own self in his hands. like water. And if he opens his fingers then - he needn't hope to find himself again."
(Now there are certain circumstance when it would be better to break our word, than keep it, but even when that happens, it wrenches us on the inside, somehow we know we are compromised.).
Proverbs 18:20-21, tells us that the tongue has a reciprocal, give and take nature to it. When we break a promise to someone, it hurts others, but it also hurts us.
Gossip, Slander
Proverbs 20:19
19 A gossip betrays a confidence;
so avoid anyone who talks too much.
Proverbs 10:18 says whoever spreads slander is a fool.
Gossip is passing on a negative report about other people that is based in uncertain evidence.
Gossip may turn out to be true, but can still be damaging.
Slander is reporting a truth but with intent to hurt someone.
Did you hear the story of the captain of the ship, who discovered that his first mate was drunk on board? The captain said, “I’m going to have to write in ship log that you were drunk on the job today.” The first mate says please don’t write that in the log. The captain said, “You were drunk on the job, I’m going to have to write that in,” and he did. The next day the first mate wrote in ship log. “The captain was sober today.”
Two problems with the first mate’s “technically true” statement. One is that it is a technical truth with the intent to deceive which is a lie and 2nd it is a truth meant to hurt someone which is slander.
In his moving novel, The Kite Runner, the author Hosseini tells the story of Amir a boy who grows up in Afghanistan and his relationship with his father, Baba. As I recounted before, when Amir was in the fifth grade…. Amir comes home and raises an issue that his Mullah, i.e. his Muslim Holy teacher brought up regarding a particular sin…
And Baba the father responds… There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft.
When you kill a man, you steal a life. . . you steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness. Do you see?’
You can steal a person’s life, spouse, property, right to truth, right to fairness, AND you can steal their reputation through gossip and slander.
Insulting….
Proverbs 9:12 says
12 If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you;
if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.
Proverbs 20:20 says curse your parents and your life will be snuffed out. Again this can illustrates the reciprocal nature of the tongue, use to hurt others and you’ll be hurt.
As kids, many of us raised in North America learned to say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt…” The fact is we tend to recover from the punches, the sports injuries… broken nose, we sustained as kids… but words wound much deeper, some times so deep where no surgeon’s scalpel can reach. I sustained and have recovered from a broken nose during a football game as a high school student, but when a coach mocked me in front of others for dropping passes during a practice… that still hurts. I roll my ankles countless times playing basketball in high school, I recoved from that, but I still hear word of coach chewing me out for fouling out of an important game…
Jesus knew how destructive words could be so he said…
21 "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'You shall not murder, [a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister [b] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, 'Raca, (empty head) is answerable to the Sanhedrin. And anyone who says, 'You fool!' (jerk) will be in danger of the fire of hell.
If out of spite you slam someone’s intelligence or character—you will be in danger of hell.
The tongue has a reciprocal nature—use your tongue to hurt others and you will be hurt.
Flattering and Bragging
There are other ways that the tongue can destroy.
Proverbs 26:28 b says a flattering mouth works ruin.
Proverbs 29:5 says…those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet. Bruce Waltke, respected commentor on the Proverbs says the flatter is spreading a net for the flatter’s feet.
Again we see here the reciprocal nature of the tongue, use it to hurt others and you will be hurt.
When you flatter others, among other reasons, it’s a problem because your speech is inflated and people tend not to trust you.
Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast…
When you brag not only does it tend to put you “above others,” but it also tends to have the reverse of your intended effect… you try to impress someone, but usually it has the opposite effect.
Like the story of the army captain who really wanted to impress a new private and so when the private walked in to the captain’s office, the captain grabbed the phone said yes, Steve… I really think we should really pursue this strategy for our troops in Afghanistan, Steve I’m glad your taking my advice here… the captain then hung up the phone and said I've just given some military advice to Stephen Harper… Who are you… Oh, I’m John… What you want, John? Oh I’m just here to hook up your phone…
Also bragging can set you up for failure… if you brag about your skills in a job interview, you can set yourself up for failure on the job…
Former New York City Mayor Rudi Giuliani in his book on leadership says, “I make it my practice to under promise and over deliver… people who brag over promise and under deliver…”
The tongue has a reciprocal nature, we hurt others with our tongue and we will be hurt.
So what is the antidote to using your tongue to destroy others? Part of the antidote to pursue the opposite practice of what it is you are seeking to avoid. When the Scripture say don’t do something… the implication is that we live out the positive call of the negative. The command “Thou shalt not kill… involves the call to protect life, the commandment to not commit adultery entails the call to cherish your spouse, the commandment to not lie involves the call to truthfulness…
So, the commandment not to lie, involves call to tell the truth.
Just as the tongue has the power to kill others and yourself… the tongue also has the power to give life and joy to others and the self. Proverbs 15:4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life.
Proverbs 16:24 tells us that gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 10:21 says the lips of the righteous nourish many.
One of the ways we can bring wholeness through our tongue is by keeping our word.
Psalms 15 tells us that a righteous person keeps his word even when it hurts.
GK Chesterton described a promise as appointment you make with yourself for the future…
For example, when you make a promise to your spouse, it frees you to overcome being controlled and enslaved by your genes, your brain chemistry, by what society encourages…
Lewis Smedes says When a person makes a promise, she reaches out into an unpredictable future and makes one thing predictable: she will be there even when being there costs her more than she wants to pay. When a person makes a promise, he stretches himself out into circumstances that no one can control and controls at least one thing: he will be there no matter what the circumstances turn out to be. With one simple word of promise, a person creates an island of certainty in a sea of uncertainty.
In the movie version: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Frodo Baggins (played by Elijah Wood), a hobbit, is given the unenviable task of destroying a ring in The Cracks of Doom in a dark and evil land called Mordor. His task is fraught with mortal danger.
Gandalf, the wizard, understands such a perilous journey could cause anyone to become discouraged. Gandalf encourages Frodo's best friend, Sam to promise he will never leave Frodo. Several other brave individuals accompany Frodo as well.
As the journey progress, Frodos and traveling companions face grave danger. Concerned for the safety of his friends, Frodo makes a secret decision to slip away from his friends and make the rest of the journey on his own. Frodo steps into a boat and quietly pushes away from the shore.
(show movie clip here).
Suddenly, the branches on the sloping hill above the shore begin to snap and give way to a tiny hobbit warrior. Sam crashes through the branches and onto the shore shouting, "Frodo! Mr. Frodo!"
Frodo yells back, "Go back, Sam! I'm going to Mordor alone!"
Sam is not deterred. He continues toward Frodo, splashing into the river up to his waist. "Of course you are, and I'm coming with you!"
"You can't swim!" Frodo shouts. "Sam! Sam!"
Sam tries desperately to swim out to the boat. Frodo watches as Sam begins to sink beneath the murky surface of the river.
Frodo reaches down and grabs Sam's wrist, pulling him up and into the boat. Frodo looks at Sam as if to say, "Why? Why would you risk your life attempting to swim out to me?"
A soaking wet Sam sees the question in Frodo's eyes and says, "I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise. 'Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee.' And I don't mean to. I don't mean to."
God calls us to become people who like Sam keep their promises and when we do, we give life to others…and we receive life.
The Proverbs say don’t gossip or slander and don’t insult.
Proverbs 16:28 says repeating a gossip separates close friends.
The positive of this command is to spread good, true reports about people.
I don’t know if you watched the show Friends. But during the last episodes, Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) accepts a position in Paris to work for Ralph Lauren and she’s saying good bye to each of her Friends in person, but she’s not sure she’ll say good-by to her friend Ross in person.
Because she keeps putting Ross off in terms of seeing him… he thinks he must be the lowest on Rachel’s priority list. Then she decides she won’t say good bye to Ross in person at all. He thinks that he’s not at all important to her.
Now hypothetically, let’s say the other friends… Chandler, Joey, Monica and Phoebe say, “Ross, you’re not important to her… so get over it.” That would have been a false report, damaging to Rachel and Ross’ friendship. Or they could have said to Ross, “Jennifer cares for you so much, that it really hurts for her to say good-bye to you, she’s not sure she can say good-bye to you …it’s not that you’re least important to her , you’re the most important… that would have been a true and good report and would have helped to grow their relationship.
When you pass along a false, bad report to someone you hurt the relationship, when you pass along a true, good report you help the relationship.
The Proverbs speak against insulting and cursing people, and in favor of blessing people with our words.
Proverbs 16;18, Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
My friend Chris Woodhull is a poet and politician, who also leads Tribe One, a community organization that seeks to help young African American men out of street gangs by employing them in for profit enterprises.
Some times Christian people will ask are people really changing here, are they really getting saved?
My friend is very committed Christian, “He says, people don’t change because they think, I’m crap, they change because of the glimpse of the beauty and power with them.”
If you can hold that beauty and power before them… they can change.
I was with Angel Romero not long ago, an African American woman and former drug dealer. She talked how she first came to Tribe One meeting as drug dealer… and all her life she had been told… “You gotta change…” “You got rid of baggy pants.” You gotta change.” “You get rid of gold chains.” “You gotta change.” “You got rid of the piercing in your tongue.” “You gotta change.” At her first Tribe One small group circle meeting, the leader told Angel, you can keep baggy pants, keep your gold chains, keep your ear ring, changes begins from within… and she felt accepted and loved and her mind went to time when she was in grade two, she remembered how kind and caring her second grade teacher, how as a young child she wanted to grow up to be a teacher, so she could help others… she thought as sat in that circle… I’m not just a bad person, there’s good inside me… she began to change from the inside out… She now serves as the functional executive vice-president of Tribe One.
The priest and writer Henri Nouwen was once at a Catholic retreat and at this retreat it was clear that only baptized Catholics could take communion and so Henri Nouwen began another line for people who could take communion and he blessed by simply telling them who they were… By the end of the retreat his line was longer than the line for those taking communion. The book of Proverbs says the righteous person nourishes others by their words.
We can bless others by telling them who they are.
The tongue is inherently reciprocal, if you give life through your tongue you become alive.
Instead of flattering people we tell them, the truth.
The kisses of an enemy may be profuse but faithful and true are the
wounds of a friend. (Proverbs 27:6)
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another, As iron sharpens, so one person sharpens another.
Speak straightforwardly and in the end you’ll gain more favor.
When I was working as part of a large corporation, one of my bosses had recently become a Christian. I didn’t know him very well at the time. I noticed, when he got frustrated, he’d let profanity flow flow from his mouth.
I remember approaching him privately with some fear and trepidation and saying, “You’re a Christian now. So am I. I notice you swear quite a bit when you’re frustrated… not that it’s biggest deal in the whole world, but as a Christian I’m guessing you want to live and talk in a away that would commend Christ to others…”
He said oh, yeah, that’s a good point.
Several times afterwards he thanked me privately for that rebuke. He stopped swearing… As a P.S. we became pretty good friends. We skied, hiked together and traveled together. I think what he and a lot of others really want is someone who tells him the truth--even if it hurts.
When we are loving, straightforward with people at first they may not like it, but in the end we tend to gain favor.
Offer life through your tongue, you’ll experience the life of friendship.
How do we become people who offer life?
In Matthew 12, Jesus says that out of the overflow of our heart the mouth speaks.
Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our heart. So it is by asking God to fill our heart with his love and energy and Jesus Christ to stand as sentinel in our heart, guarding it from evil that we become people who speak words that bring life.
One of the reasons why many people don’t like the idea of public speaking is that they are afraid they would say something stupid…I do a fair amount of public speaking and I’ve said more than my share of stupid things, things I regret saying, but what I fear most is that I will say something off the cuff that will hurt people with no redeeming effect… It’s one thing to hurt or provoke people in a way that’s redeeming, it’s another thing to hurt people with no redeeming value…
In talking to my wife about this—she says if your heart is right—you don’t have to worry about spontaneously saying something that might hurt people… because if your heart is right, you just won’t…. because it’s from the abundance of the heart that mouth speaks.
So if we invite Jesus to take the central place in our hearts and heal our destructive anger (and as we talked about last week there is good anger), hate, bitterness and fill us with his love, joy and peace… then our hearts will offer life through our tongues to others and our self, for it is from the abundance of the heart that our mouths speak…
Pray…
It was his first day on the job. He was a new clerk in the green goods department of a super market. A lady came up to him and said she wanted to buy half of a head of lettuce. He tried to dissuade her from that goal, but she persisted.
Finally he said, "I'll have to go back and talk to the manager."
He went to the rear of the store to talk to the manager, not noticing that the woman was walking right behind him. When he got into the back of the store, he said to the manager, "There's some stupid old hag out there who wants to buy half a head of lettuce. What should I tell her?"
Seeing the horrified look on the face of the manager, he turned about and, seeing the woman, added, "And this lovely lady wants to buy the other half of the head of lettuce. Will it be all right?"
Considerably relieved, the manager said, "That would be fine."
Later in the day, he congratulated the boy on his quick thinking. He then asked, "Where are you from, son?"
The boy said, "I'm from Toronto--the home of beautiful hockey players and ugly women."
The manager looked at him and said, "My wife is from Toronto."
The boy said, "Oh, what team did she play for?"
Most of us are not as quick thinking as this kid from Toronto, but all of us have known what is like to get in trouble because of something we have said.
Words have great power. James a writer of part of the New Testament part of the Bible, says that the tongue is very small, but like the small rudder of a large ship, our tongue can set the course of our whole life.
A king asked one of his servants to travel through the whole Kingdom and bring back the item in the Kingdom that was most destructive… after some time, the servant came back into the king’s a presence with a covered silver platter. He lifted the platter and on it was a tongue. The king then asked the servant to go out again and bring what was most healing and life-giving… the servant went out and after some time, came back into the king’s presence with a silver platter with a cover and he lifted the cover and on there was a tongue on it.
The tongue has the power to hurt and to heal.
The writer of the Proverbs recognizes this and so he as one commentator observes, 1/3 of the Proverbs deal directly or indirectly with communication.
If you have your Bibles please turn to Proverbs 18:20-21
20 From the fruit of their mouths people's stomachs are filled;
with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.
21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
20 From the fruit of their mouths people's stomachs are filled;
with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.
We tend to think of the tongue as simply passing information. But as the writer of the book of Proverbs in vs. 20 the tongue creates a kind of food, that can either poison or nourish the one who eats the fruit of a person’s mouth.
21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
The writer of this Proverb is saying… that there are organically connected rewards associated with speech.
The person who “dishes up” something deadly with their tongue destroys other people, they destroy relationships, and their tongue ends up destroying them.
The person who dishes up something life-giving gives life to others, life to the community and receives life.
The tongue has a reciprocal, “give and take” nature to it.
21. The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
If we use our tongue to hurt we will be hurt, but if we use our tongue to heal we will be healed.
This morning, we’re going to look at the kind of speech that destroys and we’re going to look at the kind of speech that gives life.
A form of speech that the Proverbs lists as destructive is lies.
Lying
Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us the Lord hates lies.
Proverbs 12:22 tells us the Lord detests lying lips.
The writer of the Proverbs says in Proverbs 30:8 keep me from all falsehoods.
Why does God hate lies?
Proverbs 25:18 tells us that lying can be like using a club or an arrow against someone…
Proverbs 26:28 says a lying tongue hates those it hurts.
Lies involve more than simply the breaking of some kind of abstract rule, but lies hurt our neighbor…
People have asked me, what would cause a friendship with you to be damaged?
I’ve said, “Lying.” Have you ever been lied to and afterwards discovered that?
How did you feel?
You likely felt disrespected. You may have felt the person was being condescending to you, in that the person didn’t feel you could handle the truth. Perhaps you felt manipulated.
Lying also sets up a wall between the person you’ve lied to and reality. So the person is not able to make a good decision. It also sets a wall between you and the person. When you lie to someone you erect a wall distancing yourself from someone and you manage your communication with person for a place of emotional distance.
One of the reasons the Lord hates lying is because when we lie we fail to love our neighbor as ourselves—which is one of the two great commandments.
Lying also splits us.
Thomas More was a Christian man and significant leader in England in the 1500s who got political trouble for not supporting the annulment King Henry VIII’s marriage to Catherine and his new marriage to Anne Boleyn. Then More was sentenced to death because his Christian conscience would not allow him to support Henry VIII as being the head of the church… According to the play by Sir Robert Bolt's play based on More's life, More’s beautiful daughter Meg says to him, Father please recant, lie so that you can save your life…” More replies "'When a man takes an oath, Meg, he's holding his own self in his hands. like water. And if he opens his fingers then - he needn't hope to find himself again."
(Now there are certain circumstance when it would be better to break our word, than keep it, but even when that happens, it wrenches us on the inside, somehow we know we are compromised.).
Proverbs 18:20-21, tells us that the tongue has a reciprocal, give and take nature to it. When we break a promise to someone, it hurts others, but it also hurts us.
Gossip, Slander
Proverbs 20:19
19 A gossip betrays a confidence;
so avoid anyone who talks too much.
Proverbs 10:18 says whoever spreads slander is a fool.
Gossip is passing on a negative report about other people that is based in uncertain evidence.
Gossip may turn out to be true, but can still be damaging.
Slander is reporting a truth but with intent to hurt someone.
Did you hear the story of the captain of the ship, who discovered that his first mate was drunk on board? The captain said, “I’m going to have to write in ship log that you were drunk on the job today.” The first mate says please don’t write that in the log. The captain said, “You were drunk on the job, I’m going to have to write that in,” and he did. The next day the first mate wrote in ship log. “The captain was sober today.”
Two problems with the first mate’s “technically true” statement. One is that it is a technical truth with the intent to deceive which is a lie and 2nd it is a truth meant to hurt someone which is slander.
In his moving novel, The Kite Runner, the author Hosseini tells the story of Amir a boy who grows up in Afghanistan and his relationship with his father, Baba. As I recounted before, when Amir was in the fifth grade…. Amir comes home and raises an issue that his Mullah, i.e. his Muslim Holy teacher brought up regarding a particular sin…
And Baba the father responds… There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft.
When you kill a man, you steal a life. . . you steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness. Do you see?’
You can steal a person’s life, spouse, property, right to truth, right to fairness, AND you can steal their reputation through gossip and slander.
Insulting….
Proverbs 9:12 says
12 If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you;
if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.
Proverbs 20:20 says curse your parents and your life will be snuffed out. Again this can illustrates the reciprocal nature of the tongue, use to hurt others and you’ll be hurt.
As kids, many of us raised in North America learned to say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt…” The fact is we tend to recover from the punches, the sports injuries… broken nose, we sustained as kids… but words wound much deeper, some times so deep where no surgeon’s scalpel can reach. I sustained and have recovered from a broken nose during a football game as a high school student, but when a coach mocked me in front of others for dropping passes during a practice… that still hurts. I roll my ankles countless times playing basketball in high school, I recoved from that, but I still hear word of coach chewing me out for fouling out of an important game…
Jesus knew how destructive words could be so he said…
21 "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'You shall not murder, [a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister [b] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, 'Raca, (empty head) is answerable to the Sanhedrin. And anyone who says, 'You fool!' (jerk) will be in danger of the fire of hell.
If out of spite you slam someone’s intelligence or character—you will be in danger of hell.
The tongue has a reciprocal nature—use your tongue to hurt others and you will be hurt.
Flattering and Bragging
There are other ways that the tongue can destroy.
Proverbs 26:28 b says a flattering mouth works ruin.
Proverbs 29:5 says…those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet. Bruce Waltke, respected commentor on the Proverbs says the flatter is spreading a net for the flatter’s feet.
Again we see here the reciprocal nature of the tongue, use it to hurt others and you will be hurt.
When you flatter others, among other reasons, it’s a problem because your speech is inflated and people tend not to trust you.
Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast…
When you brag not only does it tend to put you “above others,” but it also tends to have the reverse of your intended effect… you try to impress someone, but usually it has the opposite effect.
Like the story of the army captain who really wanted to impress a new private and so when the private walked in to the captain’s office, the captain grabbed the phone said yes, Steve… I really think we should really pursue this strategy for our troops in Afghanistan, Steve I’m glad your taking my advice here… the captain then hung up the phone and said I've just given some military advice to Stephen Harper… Who are you… Oh, I’m John… What you want, John? Oh I’m just here to hook up your phone…
Also bragging can set you up for failure… if you brag about your skills in a job interview, you can set yourself up for failure on the job…
Former New York City Mayor Rudi Giuliani in his book on leadership says, “I make it my practice to under promise and over deliver… people who brag over promise and under deliver…”
The tongue has a reciprocal nature, we hurt others with our tongue and we will be hurt.
So what is the antidote to using your tongue to destroy others? Part of the antidote to pursue the opposite practice of what it is you are seeking to avoid. When the Scripture say don’t do something… the implication is that we live out the positive call of the negative. The command “Thou shalt not kill… involves the call to protect life, the commandment to not commit adultery entails the call to cherish your spouse, the commandment to not lie involves the call to truthfulness…
So, the commandment not to lie, involves call to tell the truth.
Just as the tongue has the power to kill others and yourself… the tongue also has the power to give life and joy to others and the self. Proverbs 15:4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life.
Proverbs 16:24 tells us that gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 10:21 says the lips of the righteous nourish many.
One of the ways we can bring wholeness through our tongue is by keeping our word.
Psalms 15 tells us that a righteous person keeps his word even when it hurts.
GK Chesterton described a promise as appointment you make with yourself for the future…
For example, when you make a promise to your spouse, it frees you to overcome being controlled and enslaved by your genes, your brain chemistry, by what society encourages…
Lewis Smedes says When a person makes a promise, she reaches out into an unpredictable future and makes one thing predictable: she will be there even when being there costs her more than she wants to pay. When a person makes a promise, he stretches himself out into circumstances that no one can control and controls at least one thing: he will be there no matter what the circumstances turn out to be. With one simple word of promise, a person creates an island of certainty in a sea of uncertainty.
In the movie version: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Frodo Baggins (played by Elijah Wood), a hobbit, is given the unenviable task of destroying a ring in The Cracks of Doom in a dark and evil land called Mordor. His task is fraught with mortal danger.
Gandalf, the wizard, understands such a perilous journey could cause anyone to become discouraged. Gandalf encourages Frodo's best friend, Sam to promise he will never leave Frodo. Several other brave individuals accompany Frodo as well.
As the journey progress, Frodos and traveling companions face grave danger. Concerned for the safety of his friends, Frodo makes a secret decision to slip away from his friends and make the rest of the journey on his own. Frodo steps into a boat and quietly pushes away from the shore.
(show movie clip here).
Suddenly, the branches on the sloping hill above the shore begin to snap and give way to a tiny hobbit warrior. Sam crashes through the branches and onto the shore shouting, "Frodo! Mr. Frodo!"
Frodo yells back, "Go back, Sam! I'm going to Mordor alone!"
Sam is not deterred. He continues toward Frodo, splashing into the river up to his waist. "Of course you are, and I'm coming with you!"
"You can't swim!" Frodo shouts. "Sam! Sam!"
Sam tries desperately to swim out to the boat. Frodo watches as Sam begins to sink beneath the murky surface of the river.
Frodo reaches down and grabs Sam's wrist, pulling him up and into the boat. Frodo looks at Sam as if to say, "Why? Why would you risk your life attempting to swim out to me?"
A soaking wet Sam sees the question in Frodo's eyes and says, "I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise. 'Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee.' And I don't mean to. I don't mean to."
God calls us to become people who like Sam keep their promises and when we do, we give life to others…and we receive life.
The Proverbs say don’t gossip or slander and don’t insult.
Proverbs 16:28 says repeating a gossip separates close friends.
The positive of this command is to spread good, true reports about people.
I don’t know if you watched the show Friends. But during the last episodes, Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) accepts a position in Paris to work for Ralph Lauren and she’s saying good bye to each of her Friends in person, but she’s not sure she’ll say good-by to her friend Ross in person.
Because she keeps putting Ross off in terms of seeing him… he thinks he must be the lowest on Rachel’s priority list. Then she decides she won’t say good bye to Ross in person at all. He thinks that he’s not at all important to her.
Now hypothetically, let’s say the other friends… Chandler, Joey, Monica and Phoebe say, “Ross, you’re not important to her… so get over it.” That would have been a false report, damaging to Rachel and Ross’ friendship. Or they could have said to Ross, “Jennifer cares for you so much, that it really hurts for her to say good-bye to you, she’s not sure she can say good-bye to you …it’s not that you’re least important to her , you’re the most important… that would have been a true and good report and would have helped to grow their relationship.
When you pass along a false, bad report to someone you hurt the relationship, when you pass along a true, good report you help the relationship.
The Proverbs speak against insulting and cursing people, and in favor of blessing people with our words.
Proverbs 16;18, Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
My friend Chris Woodhull is a poet and politician, who also leads Tribe One, a community organization that seeks to help young African American men out of street gangs by employing them in for profit enterprises.
Some times Christian people will ask are people really changing here, are they really getting saved?
My friend is very committed Christian, “He says, people don’t change because they think, I’m crap, they change because of the glimpse of the beauty and power with them.”
If you can hold that beauty and power before them… they can change.
I was with Angel Romero not long ago, an African American woman and former drug dealer. She talked how she first came to Tribe One meeting as drug dealer… and all her life she had been told… “You gotta change…” “You got rid of baggy pants.” You gotta change.” “You get rid of gold chains.” “You gotta change.” “You got rid of the piercing in your tongue.” “You gotta change.” At her first Tribe One small group circle meeting, the leader told Angel, you can keep baggy pants, keep your gold chains, keep your ear ring, changes begins from within… and she felt accepted and loved and her mind went to time when she was in grade two, she remembered how kind and caring her second grade teacher, how as a young child she wanted to grow up to be a teacher, so she could help others… she thought as sat in that circle… I’m not just a bad person, there’s good inside me… she began to change from the inside out… She now serves as the functional executive vice-president of Tribe One.
The priest and writer Henri Nouwen was once at a Catholic retreat and at this retreat it was clear that only baptized Catholics could take communion and so Henri Nouwen began another line for people who could take communion and he blessed by simply telling them who they were… By the end of the retreat his line was longer than the line for those taking communion. The book of Proverbs says the righteous person nourishes others by their words.
We can bless others by telling them who they are.
The tongue is inherently reciprocal, if you give life through your tongue you become alive.
Instead of flattering people we tell them, the truth.
The kisses of an enemy may be profuse but faithful and true are the
wounds of a friend. (Proverbs 27:6)
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another, As iron sharpens, so one person sharpens another.
Speak straightforwardly and in the end you’ll gain more favor.
When I was working as part of a large corporation, one of my bosses had recently become a Christian. I didn’t know him very well at the time. I noticed, when he got frustrated, he’d let profanity flow flow from his mouth.
I remember approaching him privately with some fear and trepidation and saying, “You’re a Christian now. So am I. I notice you swear quite a bit when you’re frustrated… not that it’s biggest deal in the whole world, but as a Christian I’m guessing you want to live and talk in a away that would commend Christ to others…”
He said oh, yeah, that’s a good point.
Several times afterwards he thanked me privately for that rebuke. He stopped swearing… As a P.S. we became pretty good friends. We skied, hiked together and traveled together. I think what he and a lot of others really want is someone who tells him the truth--even if it hurts.
When we are loving, straightforward with people at first they may not like it, but in the end we tend to gain favor.
Offer life through your tongue, you’ll experience the life of friendship.
How do we become people who offer life?
In Matthew 12, Jesus says that out of the overflow of our heart the mouth speaks.
Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our heart. So it is by asking God to fill our heart with his love and energy and Jesus Christ to stand as sentinel in our heart, guarding it from evil that we become people who speak words that bring life.
One of the reasons why many people don’t like the idea of public speaking is that they are afraid they would say something stupid…I do a fair amount of public speaking and I’ve said more than my share of stupid things, things I regret saying, but what I fear most is that I will say something off the cuff that will hurt people with no redeeming effect… It’s one thing to hurt or provoke people in a way that’s redeeming, it’s another thing to hurt people with no redeeming value…
In talking to my wife about this—she says if your heart is right—you don’t have to worry about spontaneously saying something that might hurt people… because if your heart is right, you just won’t…. because it’s from the abundance of the heart that mouth speaks.
So if we invite Jesus to take the central place in our hearts and heal our destructive anger (and as we talked about last week there is good anger), hate, bitterness and fill us with his love, joy and peace… then our hearts will offer life through our tongues to others and our self, for it is from the abundance of the heart that our mouths speak…
Pray…
posted by Shigematsu at 1:58 PM
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