Forgiving Others at Work(2011Sep 18)
Series: Thank God It’s Monday! M3 11 09 18
Speakers: Ken Shigematsu and David Bentall
Title: Forgiving Others at Work
Text: Colossians 3:13
13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
BIG IDEA: When we realize that we have been forgiven by Christ, we can be people who forgive others in our workplace.
(Connections Dinner announcement with slide)
Once in a while I am asked by someone who is considering entering vocational Christian ministry, or someone who is just curious, what it is like to work as a pastor?
I always say that being a pastor is like playing a contact sport. If you are called to it, it is the greatest thing. It can be fun and fulfilling, but you are also going to get hurt. You might notice that sometimes I walk with a bit of a limp. I might say, “I was driving through the paint trying to get to basket to the hoop, I drew lots of contact... getting hit, falling to the floor. Several times I sustained torn ankle ligaments.” Or I may say, “Look at my nose. It is crooked.” In Grade 10… I was playing quarterback, got hit hard and my helmet protective bar went right through my nose.
Pastoring is great, but like basketball or football, you are going to get hurt.
I would say the same thing about work, in general. Work is great. Work is a gift from God, first given to Adam and Eve before the curses of sin and their radioactive effects of sin came into the world. But when Adam and Eve did sin and fall away from God, as we see in the book of Genesis, everything in the world, even work, was compromised by the radioactive effects of sin. It became harder to farm the ground. Thorns and thistles started to grow. We find that sin and its effects pollute our work: computer servers crash, we get SPAM, there is office politics, gossip, we may get looked for a promotion, we may experience betrayal at work.
Studs Terkel, in his book Working, wrote in the introduction: “This book, being about work, is by its very nature about violence---to the spirit, as well as the body.” And though his book Working written in the 70s is somewhat dated, many people today experience work as being violent to their mind, body, and spirit. If you pursue a working life, whether in a business, school, hospital or even some kind of church or Christian organization, you are going to get hurt somewhere along the way.
When we are hurt, it is good to acknowledge our anger, to grieve and at times be willing to confront the person who hurt us, but we are also called to walk the road of forgiving others.
Those of us who belong to Christ have been given unique, powerful resources to forgive others. As we read about Jesus and his ministries in the gospels, we see that he faces increasingly threatening attacks and ultimately is crucified on the Roman cross. He is killed by human beings and yet, in spite of our unjust judgment of him, Jesus absorbs our sin and evil without passing them on. We are called to walk in the footsteps of Jesus.
In Colossians 3:13:
13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
It is out of the experience of being forgiven by Christ that we ourselves are forgiven and we are to forgive others.
At this time I am going to invite David Bentall to come and speak.
David and his wife Alison worship with us from time and time at our third service. If his name rings a bell, it is because his family company, as he will share, built the Bentall high rises which are in the heart of the financial district here in Vancouver. They also built what is now called Rogers Arena, the home for our Canucks.
He will be sharing more of his work and life experience so without any further delay let me invite David forward.
David Bentall:
As Ken mentioned, work is a contact sport, and people can get badly hurt on the job. Not the usual physical kind of injury, but the emotional, relational kind of hurt. Unfortunately, I have often been hurt in sport, as well as at work.
When I attended Magee High School, and then again while I was at UBC, I had the extraordinary privilege of playing on two championship rugby teams. I know, from first- hand experience, rugby is certainly a contact sport. With the Rugby World Cup now on, some of you may have already been reminded of how physical a game it is. A lot of people think that those of us who play the game are actually crazy.
During my many years playing the game, I broke my nose five times. All of our kids think it's pretty funny that this happened repeatedly. However, I have explained to them that I actually never broke my nose, but rather it was other people who broke my nose. Regardless, it really hurt. While touring in Japan, I received 7 stitches to close a gash in my forehead, and 7 more to patch up a cut above my right eye. During my playing career, I also suffered a separated shoulder, and a torn medial collateral ligament, that put me in a cast from my ankle to my hip. By most rugby players standards, I was relatively injury free.
However, in my work experience, I have been hurt much worse than anything that ever happened to me on the rugby pitch. Please permit me to explain.
I will share two stories from my life to illustrate this: one from our family company and the other from my experience working with the Olympic bid committee.
My grandfather owned, and for 40 years was president of Dominion Construction. The firm was once referred to in a magazine article as “the company that built Vancouver”. My dad worked for the firm for 50 years, and was the driving force behind the development of The Bentall Center, in downtown. The idea that I might follow them, and work in the family business was first discussed when I was in grade 5. Dad came into the den, and told me to turn off the TV and to do my homework. I said, “Dad, I'm watching Casper the friendly ghost. Leave me alone.” My dad didn't threaten to spank me, or to take away my allowance. Instead he simply said, “Son, turn off the TV, you can't be president unless you do your homework.” Beginning that day it was just assumed that I would spend my working life with our company.
For four decades my dad worked closely with my uncle Bob in the business. Sadly, in the end, they had a very bitter falling out. I was caught squarely in the middle of the crossfire. As a result, both my dad and I found ourselves involuntarily on the outside, looking in. It was a tragically painful experience for my dad, and a traumatic one for me.
After completing a degree in urban economics, I had joined the family firm straight out of university. I then worked in virtually every division of the company, and in essentially every geographic region. Over the next 10 years, I worked hard preparing to succeed my uncle as president. Then, all hell broke loose, to put it bluntly! I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. My career with our company was arbitrarily cut short, and the financial picture for our family was permanently altered in a very negative way.
A business executive who is very close to the situation watched with interest, as I was surgically removed from our family enterprise. Seven years later when we met for the first time, he explained that he'd been looking forward to meeting me for a long time. I asked him why. He said that he was there when they were plotting everything that they did to me. He said that I must be a very special person, and my faith must be very special, because I'm the only person he knows who would not have committed suicide based on what happened.
I don't think I'm special, nor do I think my faith is special. However, had it not been for God's sustaining strength, I think I might not have made it through. During this horrifically painful time, my career, my life my identity and my self-esteem were in tatters. I often felt despair over what was going on. No matter what I did, I seemed powerless to fix the situation. Like an animal caught in a trap, the more I tried to wriggle free, the worse the jaws of futility tightened around me.
However, during this time, God's presence in my life made a significant difference. In spite of the bleak circumstances, I never lost hope. I had trusted God with my life, and I knew, somehow, someday, God would deliver me from the pain, and that there would come a better day. In addition, as I asked God to show me where I had gone wrong, I learned a very powerful lesson.
When I was born, I think God blessed me with a good mind. A mind capable of critical thinking. This was helpful for me, as it is for any leader, because a critical mind is necessary to enable us to make good decisions. However, what I discovered during this challenging time was that right beside a critical mind, lives a critical spirit.
Unfortunately, as a young man, I was so confident in my own opinions, that I became a harsh critic of those around me, and in particular my uncle, who was our company president. No wonder the company leadership decided they needed to get rid of a loose cannon like me. Bentall Real Estate Services has over 1000 employees across North America, with over $17 billion in assets under administration. I aspired to lead that enterprise, and in fact, I would have given my life for the place. However, because of my critical spirit, I forfeited my opportunity
Clearly, I am still disappointed that I made a mess of things. However, I'm grateful that God helped me to learn from the experience. Rather than blaming those who radically altered my career, God helped me to realize that I needed to go and ask them for their forgiveness.
As CS Lewis wryly observed, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.”
He was right. Forgiveness is not easy, because In order to forgive we need to let go of stuff. This may include letting go of our rights, or maybe our need to be right. In some circumstances we may need to let go of our desire for pay back, or revenge. One of my mentors, who I worked for in Toronto, was an advocate of finding ways to “get” those who had crossed him. He was fond of saying: Don’t get mad, just get even. I suppose, in a way, this may be an effective strategy for dealing with anger….but it’s not God’s way.
Here are some things I learned from this painful experience:
1) We ought to be forgiving towards others, in light of our own failings. In other words, we should forgive, because we ourselves are in need of forgiveness.
We are reminded of this every time we say the Lord’s prayer for we are asking God to… “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors “ (Matthew 6:12).
2) We should abandon trying to figure everything out. We don’t know what the future holds, and so rather than trying to imagine how God will bring justice, we should trust our Heavenly Father for our circumstances. In the words of Proverbs Chapter 3 ( verses 5&6 ) we are invited to trust God “with our whole heart, and lean not on our own understanding.” In essence, we should quit trying to be God, and let Him look after things.
3) Finally, we would do well to focus on how we need to change and grow, rather than focusing on other people’s faults. Put another way, we should focus on our own imperfections as our first priority. Jesus stated this bluntly when he asked the question: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye, and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? “ ( Matthew 7: 3) Frankly, I think most of us assume that the other person is the one with the plank, and so we often fail to honestly examine our own failings and shortcomings.
Instead of holding on to our hurts, God wants us to place them at His feet, and let go of the wrongs that have been done to us. In short, to forgive. Then He wants us to trust Him to bring justice, in His own way, and in His own time. Finally, he wants us to focus on our own imperfections and seek to become more loving…… “better people, instead of bitter people.”
I think Abraham Lincoln must have understood much of this, because his response to his enemies was remarkable. Apparently, during his presidency, when perhaps half of the population of the country disagreed with his leadership, he received a lot of hate mail. In response, he wrote a letter of rebuttal to every critic. He then put each letter in the top drawer of his desk, never to be mailed. Likely this was cathartic. But more importantly, this legendary leader didn’t lash out in anger, instead he let things go!
(I assume that he was trusting God, in prayer, to deal with things in His own way, in His own time. )
As I have endeavoured to walk the path of forgiveness, I have been freed from bitterness. In addition, much to my amazement, God has taken all the pain and disappointment in my career, and is now allowing me to use these experiences to help others. Over the past 10 years, it has been my privilege to assist well over 50 other families in business, as they seek to manage the interface between business and family. I also routinely teach workshops and courses on the subject. In a sense, God has redeemed all those seemingly lost years, and as a result, I have been prepared to serve others
As I have explained, my pain and disappointment were almost more than a person could bear. However, others have had much more difficult challenges than I, and yet have been able to forgive.
Consider for a moment, Miroslav Volf. He is a theologian who teaches at Yale Divinity School. His thinking about love and forgiveness was forged in the crucible of Serbian and Croatian violence in his country of origin. His parents modeled for him, and for all of us, what forgiveness looks like, when they had to come to terms with the death of his sibling. At age 6, Miroslav’s little brother was killed, apparently by the carelessness of a Croatian soldier who was playing with him. He states….My parents “ just forgave him. Everything in you cries for justice, for revenge, yet somehow, in the deep recesses of your soul, a soul that was shaped by what God has done for us, you have the strength to forgive.”
He then goes on to say: “If I say I forgive you, I have implicitly said that you have done something wrong to me. But what forgiveness is, at its heart, is both saying that justice has been violated, and…” yet…”I release the offender from what the justice would demand to be done.”
No matter what challenges we may face at work, surely it is less difficult to forgive than the death of a child. I have not suffered like this, and I pray that I never will. However, I did have another challenging work experience after leaving the family business, which called on me to learn again the hard lessons of forgiveness.
In 1998, I received a phone call from the Chair of the 2010 Olympic bid committee, Arthur Griffiths. I first got to know Arthur when we were building GM Place ( now Rogers Arena ) for his company. Arthur asked if I could assist him in working on the domestic bid for the Olympics. Having just left the family business, I was on sabbatical, and therefore had the time to help out. Initially, there were just four of us working on this; Johnny Johnson, Bruce MacMillan, Arthur and myself. It was my privilege to be responsible for all the venue planning and budgeting. It was great fun to dream about where we should have each of the events, and my background in real estate and construction enabled me to pull together preliminary plans and estimates for all of the new building that would be required.
As we prepared to make a presentation to the Canadian Olympic Association, we were faced with stiff competition from the cities of Calgary and Québec. Calgary had already hosted the games once before, and therefore had experience and a solid track record. The city of Québec, was a well-known international destination, with a world renowned reputation for the arts and culture. These were important factors the IOC traditionally considered in the selection process.
In order to win the support of the COA, we needed to secure the majority of their 76 voting delegates. Along with Johnny Johnson, I volunteered, with no remuneration, to crisscross the country making presentations to various sport organizations, each of whom had a vote. In addition to the winter sports, we met with numerous other groups, including representatives for baseball, gymnastics, track and field, etc. It was an exhilarating time, and although I was originally quite sceptical, I gradually became more convinced that Arthur's dream might actually be achievable.
When the big day came, to present our bid in person, Glen Clark, our premier, and Ian Waddell, our Minister of tourism, travelled with us to Toronto to make the pitch. Former Olympians Steve Podborski and Silken Laumann also joined us. My job was to present the heart of our bid, including both the expected costs and revenues. Regardless of whether you're in favour of the Olympics or not, you have to admit it was an honour and a privilege to be at the center of this historic delegation.
On the first ballot, we squeaked by Calgary, by just two votes. Quebec had the most. However, on the second ballot, most of Calgary’s support swung to us. Consequently, we obtained the endorsement of the COA, by a slim majority. In hindsight, I think it is fair to say that those 30 presentations, which I had made as a volunteer, likely had an impact in helping us to get those two decisive votes.
Alison, and our four children sat in the front row, part of the crowd gathered at the Robson Square Media Center, when we received the exciting news. I was euphoric. Having overcome this first major hurdle, we were quite confident that we could ultimately obtain the support of the IOC to bring the2010 games to Vancouver.
Shortly thereafter, Arthur Griffiths recommended to the board of directors, that I be hired to be the CEO of the bid corporation, to lead the international bid. However, because this was a public endeavour, the selection of the CEO needed to be a public process. Consequently, applications were submitted by executives from all across the country, and I was just one of 100 people who applied for the job. The selection committee created a long list of 50, then a shortlist of 12. Finally, five of us were interviewed. I came in second, when they chose someone else for the top job.
Soon, much to my astonishment, Arthur was removed from the board of directors, and someone else was appointed Chair. Johnny Johnson was no longer responsible for sport liaison, and Bruce MacMillan, who had worked full-time for over a year preparing our bid book, was also shunted aside. None of us were asked to be involved in any way, and we were all deeply hurt. In fact, the four of us felt a bit like soldiers who had captured the hill, planted the flag, and then when the reinforcements arrived, they took the flag, and shot us all.
As we sat on the sidelines, nursing our wounds, others took over, and led the initiative which ultimately secured the right to host the games.
As a token of appreciation, when the games were awarded to Vancouver, I received a signed copy of the bid book, sent to me by one of the bid corporation’s vice presidents. The words he scrawled on the inside of my limited-edition copy of the bid book actually stung. They said, “Those of us who know the true story, recognize that we would not have had a chance to even make a bid, had it not been for you and Arthur.”
At first, I was just disappointed to have been left out. However, over time, as I brooded over what had happened, I began to complain about the injustice of it all. I began routinely lamenting my case to anyone and everyone who would listen. One afternoon, my wife Alison jarred me back to reality with a series of questions. David she began:
Did you work on the domestic bid to bring the Olympic Games to Vancouver? Yes I did.
Did you want to win? Yes, of course.
Were you successful? Yes, we were.
Did you also want the international bid to win, so that the games would come to Vancouver? Yes, I did.
When I confessed that of course all of these things had happened, my wife, the sage, then offered the following advice….”Then be thankful, and stop your complaining!”
At the same time that Alison challenged me to make a decision to never complain, she was also asking me to be thankful for the good things that had happened. Of course she was right, this is what I should do. But knowing the right thing to do and being able to do it can be quite a different matter.
Then I remembered Peter Klassen. Peter moved here from Paraguay 46 years ago. I got to know him, because his wife, Berta worked as a housekeeper for our family for over 42 years. When he died a few years ago, I went to his memorial service. His nephew spoke eloquently about Uncle Peter. He reminded us that when Peter came from Paraguay, he had been an accountant. However, when he got to Canada no-one would accept his credentials, and was unable to find work in his profession. The best my dad could do to help, was to offer him a job, pushing a broom, in our millwork shop. For many years Peter worked hard, doing the lowest form of labour available in our company. After about 10 years, he was promoted to forklift operator, a role he occupied for 30 years. When he retired, Peter’s deteriorating eyesight made it harder and harder for him to see, and soon he was unable to read. With that his favourite pastime was gone. Having lost his profession and now his eyesight, Peter of all people, would have had lots to complain about.
After he passed away, his nephew found Peters’ Bible beside his bed. In between a couple of the well-worn pages, he noticed some notes from a sermon written many years earlier. The following words caught his attention. “Never complain. Complaining doesn't make anything better, and it only makes you feel worse. “ Having known Peter for over 4 decades, I can say, along with his nephew, neither of us ever heard Peter complain. He had lots of reasons to be disappointed with his lot in life, but he didn't waste his breath, or our time, telling us about his disappointments.
In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul talks about some of the hard times he faced. He notes that he was shipwrecked three times, beaten with rods, imprisoned, and suffered 39 lashes on several occasions. He doesn’t mention all these things as complaints. Rather, he is pointing out God’s sufficiency in spite of all these hardships.
This is the same Apostle, who, in his letter to the church in Philippi, says he had learned the secret of being content. I believe that what he had discovered, included four of the things he encouraged the Philippians to do. In chapter 4, he says…
1) Rejoice always ( v. 4)
2) Be thankful ( v. 6)
3) Pray about everything ( v. 6)
4) Think about good things… those things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, excellent, etc. ( v.8))
If you don’t think that this is practical or realistic, I would encourage you to think again.
Jim Murphy, the author of Inner Excellence, has spent over 10,000 hours researching the connection between what we think and how we perform. He asserts that it is not possible to worry and be thankful at the same time. No wonder God commands us to be thankful. It’s the perfect antidote to worry. Similarly, I believe that it’s not possible to rejoice and at the same time to harbour bitterness.
Therefore, when, in God’s word, we are exhorted to PRAY, REJOICE AND BE THANKFUL ALWAYS….we are not being offered pious platitudes. Rather, we are being given very practical advice for daily living. This is an inspiring strategy that can be directly applied to dealing with the hurts and disappointments we may encounter at work.
I also love the fact that when God provides divine guidance, He doesn’t just say…don’t do this…but He also offers direction as to what to do instead…Rather than just saying don’t harbour un-forgiveness, God invites us to cultivate a life of prayer and an attitude of thankfulness.
One of my best friends, Dave Phillips, has explained to me that if I do not forgive, I will provide an opportunity for bitterness to grow in my heart. If I hold onto my inner feelings of anger, I may reason that at least I am not letting “them” off the hook too easily. However, one day, I will wake up and realize that the cage that I have made imprisons not the person who hurt me, but rather I will have imprisoned myself. I will have become the prisoner, held captive by my own bitterness. I am not hurting the other person, I am only hurting myself.
I'm so thankful that Dave encouraged me to become a man of forgiveness, and that my wife Alison encouraged me to stop complaining. I'm also thankful that both the Apostle Paul, and my friend Peter Klassen modeled for me how to live this kind of life. Most importantly, I am thankful that God, by His Spirit has enabled me to learn to forgive those who have hurt me in my work experience.
My career didn’t turn out at all like I thought it would, but I am thankful that God, in his grace has given me an amazing new business. Just ask the members of our family….they will tell you, I LOVE MY WORK!
In fact, I say that almost daily….because it is such a privilege to do the work I do teaching and helping others. It’s far more rewarding than building buildings ever was.
When the Olympics came, I was a bit frustrated that I had virtually no tickets to attend any events. In the week prior to the arrival of the torch, I was really tempted to pout. However, by this time, I had over 7 years to practice being thankful, in spite of my circumstances, and so I prayed, and tried to put it out of my mind.
The day before the opening ceremonies, I got an unexpected call from Arthur Griffiths. He had been given two ALL EVENTS PASSES for the games, and he wanted me to have one. As a result, I had the awesome privilege of attending , 17 events during the two weeks of the games. I was even on the slopes when Alex Beladeau won the first Olympic Gold Medal on Canadian soil.
I only had one ticket, so I attended most of the events on my own. I was profoundly thankful, not just to Arthur, but more importantly to God. I didn’t see the tickets as some kind of divine vindication, nor were they necessarily deserved. But in a way, I felt like God had stooped down to kiss me….to let me know He understood my disappointment, and that He was looking out for me.
Now, I don’t want to promise any of you that if you obey God’s word, and walk in the path of forgiveness, that you will be given VIP tickets to attend the Olympics. However, I can promise you, based on my own experience, that if you forgive others, you won’t need to spend your days complaining, imprisoned by your own bitterness. God wants us all to be free. I encourage you to take Him at His word.
Ken:
Is God calling you to forgive someone? Or stop complaining about some hurt in your life. Is God calling you out of prison or least to take a step toward the prison door?
The British author C. S. Lewis realized and made the following note in his journal: “Last week while at prayer I suddenly discovered---or felt as if I did---that I had really forgiven someone I had been trying to forgive for over 30 years. Trying and praying that I might.”
Forgiving others requires patience. Sometimes forgiveness, as Lewis discovered, is something that we only realize in looking back, perhaps after years of struggle. And yet perhaps this morning, (or this evening) God is calling you to take the first step to forgive someone that may have hurt you at work, at school, in your home, or in your childhood.
Reflect on how Christ has forgiven you. Give thanks for it.
Pray that God would help you move toward forgiveness...
Amen.
Speakers: Ken Shigematsu and David Bentall
Title: Forgiving Others at Work
Text: Colossians 3:13
13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
BIG IDEA: When we realize that we have been forgiven by Christ, we can be people who forgive others in our workplace.
(Connections Dinner announcement with slide)
Once in a while I am asked by someone who is considering entering vocational Christian ministry, or someone who is just curious, what it is like to work as a pastor?
I always say that being a pastor is like playing a contact sport. If you are called to it, it is the greatest thing. It can be fun and fulfilling, but you are also going to get hurt. You might notice that sometimes I walk with a bit of a limp. I might say, “I was driving through the paint trying to get to basket to the hoop, I drew lots of contact... getting hit, falling to the floor. Several times I sustained torn ankle ligaments.” Or I may say, “Look at my nose. It is crooked.” In Grade 10… I was playing quarterback, got hit hard and my helmet protective bar went right through my nose.
Pastoring is great, but like basketball or football, you are going to get hurt.
I would say the same thing about work, in general. Work is great. Work is a gift from God, first given to Adam and Eve before the curses of sin and their radioactive effects of sin came into the world. But when Adam and Eve did sin and fall away from God, as we see in the book of Genesis, everything in the world, even work, was compromised by the radioactive effects of sin. It became harder to farm the ground. Thorns and thistles started to grow. We find that sin and its effects pollute our work: computer servers crash, we get SPAM, there is office politics, gossip, we may get looked for a promotion, we may experience betrayal at work.
Studs Terkel, in his book Working, wrote in the introduction: “This book, being about work, is by its very nature about violence---to the spirit, as well as the body.” And though his book Working written in the 70s is somewhat dated, many people today experience work as being violent to their mind, body, and spirit. If you pursue a working life, whether in a business, school, hospital or even some kind of church or Christian organization, you are going to get hurt somewhere along the way.
When we are hurt, it is good to acknowledge our anger, to grieve and at times be willing to confront the person who hurt us, but we are also called to walk the road of forgiving others.
Those of us who belong to Christ have been given unique, powerful resources to forgive others. As we read about Jesus and his ministries in the gospels, we see that he faces increasingly threatening attacks and ultimately is crucified on the Roman cross. He is killed by human beings and yet, in spite of our unjust judgment of him, Jesus absorbs our sin and evil without passing them on. We are called to walk in the footsteps of Jesus.
In Colossians 3:13:
13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
It is out of the experience of being forgiven by Christ that we ourselves are forgiven and we are to forgive others.
At this time I am going to invite David Bentall to come and speak.
David and his wife Alison worship with us from time and time at our third service. If his name rings a bell, it is because his family company, as he will share, built the Bentall high rises which are in the heart of the financial district here in Vancouver. They also built what is now called Rogers Arena, the home for our Canucks.
He will be sharing more of his work and life experience so without any further delay let me invite David forward.
David Bentall:
As Ken mentioned, work is a contact sport, and people can get badly hurt on the job. Not the usual physical kind of injury, but the emotional, relational kind of hurt. Unfortunately, I have often been hurt in sport, as well as at work.
When I attended Magee High School, and then again while I was at UBC, I had the extraordinary privilege of playing on two championship rugby teams. I know, from first- hand experience, rugby is certainly a contact sport. With the Rugby World Cup now on, some of you may have already been reminded of how physical a game it is. A lot of people think that those of us who play the game are actually crazy.
During my many years playing the game, I broke my nose five times. All of our kids think it's pretty funny that this happened repeatedly. However, I have explained to them that I actually never broke my nose, but rather it was other people who broke my nose. Regardless, it really hurt. While touring in Japan, I received 7 stitches to close a gash in my forehead, and 7 more to patch up a cut above my right eye. During my playing career, I also suffered a separated shoulder, and a torn medial collateral ligament, that put me in a cast from my ankle to my hip. By most rugby players standards, I was relatively injury free.
However, in my work experience, I have been hurt much worse than anything that ever happened to me on the rugby pitch. Please permit me to explain.
I will share two stories from my life to illustrate this: one from our family company and the other from my experience working with the Olympic bid committee.
My grandfather owned, and for 40 years was president of Dominion Construction. The firm was once referred to in a magazine article as “the company that built Vancouver”. My dad worked for the firm for 50 years, and was the driving force behind the development of The Bentall Center, in downtown. The idea that I might follow them, and work in the family business was first discussed when I was in grade 5. Dad came into the den, and told me to turn off the TV and to do my homework. I said, “Dad, I'm watching Casper the friendly ghost. Leave me alone.” My dad didn't threaten to spank me, or to take away my allowance. Instead he simply said, “Son, turn off the TV, you can't be president unless you do your homework.” Beginning that day it was just assumed that I would spend my working life with our company.
For four decades my dad worked closely with my uncle Bob in the business. Sadly, in the end, they had a very bitter falling out. I was caught squarely in the middle of the crossfire. As a result, both my dad and I found ourselves involuntarily on the outside, looking in. It was a tragically painful experience for my dad, and a traumatic one for me.
After completing a degree in urban economics, I had joined the family firm straight out of university. I then worked in virtually every division of the company, and in essentially every geographic region. Over the next 10 years, I worked hard preparing to succeed my uncle as president. Then, all hell broke loose, to put it bluntly! I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. My career with our company was arbitrarily cut short, and the financial picture for our family was permanently altered in a very negative way.
A business executive who is very close to the situation watched with interest, as I was surgically removed from our family enterprise. Seven years later when we met for the first time, he explained that he'd been looking forward to meeting me for a long time. I asked him why. He said that he was there when they were plotting everything that they did to me. He said that I must be a very special person, and my faith must be very special, because I'm the only person he knows who would not have committed suicide based on what happened.
I don't think I'm special, nor do I think my faith is special. However, had it not been for God's sustaining strength, I think I might not have made it through. During this horrifically painful time, my career, my life my identity and my self-esteem were in tatters. I often felt despair over what was going on. No matter what I did, I seemed powerless to fix the situation. Like an animal caught in a trap, the more I tried to wriggle free, the worse the jaws of futility tightened around me.
However, during this time, God's presence in my life made a significant difference. In spite of the bleak circumstances, I never lost hope. I had trusted God with my life, and I knew, somehow, someday, God would deliver me from the pain, and that there would come a better day. In addition, as I asked God to show me where I had gone wrong, I learned a very powerful lesson.
When I was born, I think God blessed me with a good mind. A mind capable of critical thinking. This was helpful for me, as it is for any leader, because a critical mind is necessary to enable us to make good decisions. However, what I discovered during this challenging time was that right beside a critical mind, lives a critical spirit.
Unfortunately, as a young man, I was so confident in my own opinions, that I became a harsh critic of those around me, and in particular my uncle, who was our company president. No wonder the company leadership decided they needed to get rid of a loose cannon like me. Bentall Real Estate Services has over 1000 employees across North America, with over $17 billion in assets under administration. I aspired to lead that enterprise, and in fact, I would have given my life for the place. However, because of my critical spirit, I forfeited my opportunity
Clearly, I am still disappointed that I made a mess of things. However, I'm grateful that God helped me to learn from the experience. Rather than blaming those who radically altered my career, God helped me to realize that I needed to go and ask them for their forgiveness.
As CS Lewis wryly observed, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.”
He was right. Forgiveness is not easy, because In order to forgive we need to let go of stuff. This may include letting go of our rights, or maybe our need to be right. In some circumstances we may need to let go of our desire for pay back, or revenge. One of my mentors, who I worked for in Toronto, was an advocate of finding ways to “get” those who had crossed him. He was fond of saying: Don’t get mad, just get even. I suppose, in a way, this may be an effective strategy for dealing with anger….but it’s not God’s way.
Here are some things I learned from this painful experience:
1) We ought to be forgiving towards others, in light of our own failings. In other words, we should forgive, because we ourselves are in need of forgiveness.
We are reminded of this every time we say the Lord’s prayer for we are asking God to… “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors “ (Matthew 6:12).
2) We should abandon trying to figure everything out. We don’t know what the future holds, and so rather than trying to imagine how God will bring justice, we should trust our Heavenly Father for our circumstances. In the words of Proverbs Chapter 3 ( verses 5&6 ) we are invited to trust God “with our whole heart, and lean not on our own understanding.” In essence, we should quit trying to be God, and let Him look after things.
3) Finally, we would do well to focus on how we need to change and grow, rather than focusing on other people’s faults. Put another way, we should focus on our own imperfections as our first priority. Jesus stated this bluntly when he asked the question: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye, and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? “ ( Matthew 7: 3) Frankly, I think most of us assume that the other person is the one with the plank, and so we often fail to honestly examine our own failings and shortcomings.
Instead of holding on to our hurts, God wants us to place them at His feet, and let go of the wrongs that have been done to us. In short, to forgive. Then He wants us to trust Him to bring justice, in His own way, and in His own time. Finally, he wants us to focus on our own imperfections and seek to become more loving…… “better people, instead of bitter people.”
I think Abraham Lincoln must have understood much of this, because his response to his enemies was remarkable. Apparently, during his presidency, when perhaps half of the population of the country disagreed with his leadership, he received a lot of hate mail. In response, he wrote a letter of rebuttal to every critic. He then put each letter in the top drawer of his desk, never to be mailed. Likely this was cathartic. But more importantly, this legendary leader didn’t lash out in anger, instead he let things go!
(I assume that he was trusting God, in prayer, to deal with things in His own way, in His own time. )
As I have endeavoured to walk the path of forgiveness, I have been freed from bitterness. In addition, much to my amazement, God has taken all the pain and disappointment in my career, and is now allowing me to use these experiences to help others. Over the past 10 years, it has been my privilege to assist well over 50 other families in business, as they seek to manage the interface between business and family. I also routinely teach workshops and courses on the subject. In a sense, God has redeemed all those seemingly lost years, and as a result, I have been prepared to serve others
As I have explained, my pain and disappointment were almost more than a person could bear. However, others have had much more difficult challenges than I, and yet have been able to forgive.
Consider for a moment, Miroslav Volf. He is a theologian who teaches at Yale Divinity School. His thinking about love and forgiveness was forged in the crucible of Serbian and Croatian violence in his country of origin. His parents modeled for him, and for all of us, what forgiveness looks like, when they had to come to terms with the death of his sibling. At age 6, Miroslav’s little brother was killed, apparently by the carelessness of a Croatian soldier who was playing with him. He states….My parents “ just forgave him. Everything in you cries for justice, for revenge, yet somehow, in the deep recesses of your soul, a soul that was shaped by what God has done for us, you have the strength to forgive.”
He then goes on to say: “If I say I forgive you, I have implicitly said that you have done something wrong to me. But what forgiveness is, at its heart, is both saying that justice has been violated, and…” yet…”I release the offender from what the justice would demand to be done.”
No matter what challenges we may face at work, surely it is less difficult to forgive than the death of a child. I have not suffered like this, and I pray that I never will. However, I did have another challenging work experience after leaving the family business, which called on me to learn again the hard lessons of forgiveness.
In 1998, I received a phone call from the Chair of the 2010 Olympic bid committee, Arthur Griffiths. I first got to know Arthur when we were building GM Place ( now Rogers Arena ) for his company. Arthur asked if I could assist him in working on the domestic bid for the Olympics. Having just left the family business, I was on sabbatical, and therefore had the time to help out. Initially, there were just four of us working on this; Johnny Johnson, Bruce MacMillan, Arthur and myself. It was my privilege to be responsible for all the venue planning and budgeting. It was great fun to dream about where we should have each of the events, and my background in real estate and construction enabled me to pull together preliminary plans and estimates for all of the new building that would be required.
As we prepared to make a presentation to the Canadian Olympic Association, we were faced with stiff competition from the cities of Calgary and Québec. Calgary had already hosted the games once before, and therefore had experience and a solid track record. The city of Québec, was a well-known international destination, with a world renowned reputation for the arts and culture. These were important factors the IOC traditionally considered in the selection process.
In order to win the support of the COA, we needed to secure the majority of their 76 voting delegates. Along with Johnny Johnson, I volunteered, with no remuneration, to crisscross the country making presentations to various sport organizations, each of whom had a vote. In addition to the winter sports, we met with numerous other groups, including representatives for baseball, gymnastics, track and field, etc. It was an exhilarating time, and although I was originally quite sceptical, I gradually became more convinced that Arthur's dream might actually be achievable.
When the big day came, to present our bid in person, Glen Clark, our premier, and Ian Waddell, our Minister of tourism, travelled with us to Toronto to make the pitch. Former Olympians Steve Podborski and Silken Laumann also joined us. My job was to present the heart of our bid, including both the expected costs and revenues. Regardless of whether you're in favour of the Olympics or not, you have to admit it was an honour and a privilege to be at the center of this historic delegation.
On the first ballot, we squeaked by Calgary, by just two votes. Quebec had the most. However, on the second ballot, most of Calgary’s support swung to us. Consequently, we obtained the endorsement of the COA, by a slim majority. In hindsight, I think it is fair to say that those 30 presentations, which I had made as a volunteer, likely had an impact in helping us to get those two decisive votes.
Alison, and our four children sat in the front row, part of the crowd gathered at the Robson Square Media Center, when we received the exciting news. I was euphoric. Having overcome this first major hurdle, we were quite confident that we could ultimately obtain the support of the IOC to bring the2010 games to Vancouver.
Shortly thereafter, Arthur Griffiths recommended to the board of directors, that I be hired to be the CEO of the bid corporation, to lead the international bid. However, because this was a public endeavour, the selection of the CEO needed to be a public process. Consequently, applications were submitted by executives from all across the country, and I was just one of 100 people who applied for the job. The selection committee created a long list of 50, then a shortlist of 12. Finally, five of us were interviewed. I came in second, when they chose someone else for the top job.
Soon, much to my astonishment, Arthur was removed from the board of directors, and someone else was appointed Chair. Johnny Johnson was no longer responsible for sport liaison, and Bruce MacMillan, who had worked full-time for over a year preparing our bid book, was also shunted aside. None of us were asked to be involved in any way, and we were all deeply hurt. In fact, the four of us felt a bit like soldiers who had captured the hill, planted the flag, and then when the reinforcements arrived, they took the flag, and shot us all.
As we sat on the sidelines, nursing our wounds, others took over, and led the initiative which ultimately secured the right to host the games.
As a token of appreciation, when the games were awarded to Vancouver, I received a signed copy of the bid book, sent to me by one of the bid corporation’s vice presidents. The words he scrawled on the inside of my limited-edition copy of the bid book actually stung. They said, “Those of us who know the true story, recognize that we would not have had a chance to even make a bid, had it not been for you and Arthur.”
At first, I was just disappointed to have been left out. However, over time, as I brooded over what had happened, I began to complain about the injustice of it all. I began routinely lamenting my case to anyone and everyone who would listen. One afternoon, my wife Alison jarred me back to reality with a series of questions. David she began:
Did you work on the domestic bid to bring the Olympic Games to Vancouver? Yes I did.
Did you want to win? Yes, of course.
Were you successful? Yes, we were.
Did you also want the international bid to win, so that the games would come to Vancouver? Yes, I did.
When I confessed that of course all of these things had happened, my wife, the sage, then offered the following advice….”Then be thankful, and stop your complaining!”
At the same time that Alison challenged me to make a decision to never complain, she was also asking me to be thankful for the good things that had happened. Of course she was right, this is what I should do. But knowing the right thing to do and being able to do it can be quite a different matter.
Then I remembered Peter Klassen. Peter moved here from Paraguay 46 years ago. I got to know him, because his wife, Berta worked as a housekeeper for our family for over 42 years. When he died a few years ago, I went to his memorial service. His nephew spoke eloquently about Uncle Peter. He reminded us that when Peter came from Paraguay, he had been an accountant. However, when he got to Canada no-one would accept his credentials, and was unable to find work in his profession. The best my dad could do to help, was to offer him a job, pushing a broom, in our millwork shop. For many years Peter worked hard, doing the lowest form of labour available in our company. After about 10 years, he was promoted to forklift operator, a role he occupied for 30 years. When he retired, Peter’s deteriorating eyesight made it harder and harder for him to see, and soon he was unable to read. With that his favourite pastime was gone. Having lost his profession and now his eyesight, Peter of all people, would have had lots to complain about.
After he passed away, his nephew found Peters’ Bible beside his bed. In between a couple of the well-worn pages, he noticed some notes from a sermon written many years earlier. The following words caught his attention. “Never complain. Complaining doesn't make anything better, and it only makes you feel worse. “ Having known Peter for over 4 decades, I can say, along with his nephew, neither of us ever heard Peter complain. He had lots of reasons to be disappointed with his lot in life, but he didn't waste his breath, or our time, telling us about his disappointments.
In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul talks about some of the hard times he faced. He notes that he was shipwrecked three times, beaten with rods, imprisoned, and suffered 39 lashes on several occasions. He doesn’t mention all these things as complaints. Rather, he is pointing out God’s sufficiency in spite of all these hardships.
This is the same Apostle, who, in his letter to the church in Philippi, says he had learned the secret of being content. I believe that what he had discovered, included four of the things he encouraged the Philippians to do. In chapter 4, he says…
1) Rejoice always ( v. 4)
2) Be thankful ( v. 6)
3) Pray about everything ( v. 6)
4) Think about good things… those things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, excellent, etc. ( v.8))
If you don’t think that this is practical or realistic, I would encourage you to think again.
Jim Murphy, the author of Inner Excellence, has spent over 10,000 hours researching the connection between what we think and how we perform. He asserts that it is not possible to worry and be thankful at the same time. No wonder God commands us to be thankful. It’s the perfect antidote to worry. Similarly, I believe that it’s not possible to rejoice and at the same time to harbour bitterness.
Therefore, when, in God’s word, we are exhorted to PRAY, REJOICE AND BE THANKFUL ALWAYS….we are not being offered pious platitudes. Rather, we are being given very practical advice for daily living. This is an inspiring strategy that can be directly applied to dealing with the hurts and disappointments we may encounter at work.
I also love the fact that when God provides divine guidance, He doesn’t just say…don’t do this…but He also offers direction as to what to do instead…Rather than just saying don’t harbour un-forgiveness, God invites us to cultivate a life of prayer and an attitude of thankfulness.
One of my best friends, Dave Phillips, has explained to me that if I do not forgive, I will provide an opportunity for bitterness to grow in my heart. If I hold onto my inner feelings of anger, I may reason that at least I am not letting “them” off the hook too easily. However, one day, I will wake up and realize that the cage that I have made imprisons not the person who hurt me, but rather I will have imprisoned myself. I will have become the prisoner, held captive by my own bitterness. I am not hurting the other person, I am only hurting myself.
I'm so thankful that Dave encouraged me to become a man of forgiveness, and that my wife Alison encouraged me to stop complaining. I'm also thankful that both the Apostle Paul, and my friend Peter Klassen modeled for me how to live this kind of life. Most importantly, I am thankful that God, by His Spirit has enabled me to learn to forgive those who have hurt me in my work experience.
My career didn’t turn out at all like I thought it would, but I am thankful that God, in his grace has given me an amazing new business. Just ask the members of our family….they will tell you, I LOVE MY WORK!
In fact, I say that almost daily….because it is such a privilege to do the work I do teaching and helping others. It’s far more rewarding than building buildings ever was.
When the Olympics came, I was a bit frustrated that I had virtually no tickets to attend any events. In the week prior to the arrival of the torch, I was really tempted to pout. However, by this time, I had over 7 years to practice being thankful, in spite of my circumstances, and so I prayed, and tried to put it out of my mind.
The day before the opening ceremonies, I got an unexpected call from Arthur Griffiths. He had been given two ALL EVENTS PASSES for the games, and he wanted me to have one. As a result, I had the awesome privilege of attending , 17 events during the two weeks of the games. I was even on the slopes when Alex Beladeau won the first Olympic Gold Medal on Canadian soil.
I only had one ticket, so I attended most of the events on my own. I was profoundly thankful, not just to Arthur, but more importantly to God. I didn’t see the tickets as some kind of divine vindication, nor were they necessarily deserved. But in a way, I felt like God had stooped down to kiss me….to let me know He understood my disappointment, and that He was looking out for me.
Now, I don’t want to promise any of you that if you obey God’s word, and walk in the path of forgiveness, that you will be given VIP tickets to attend the Olympics. However, I can promise you, based on my own experience, that if you forgive others, you won’t need to spend your days complaining, imprisoned by your own bitterness. God wants us all to be free. I encourage you to take Him at His word.
Ken:
Is God calling you to forgive someone? Or stop complaining about some hurt in your life. Is God calling you out of prison or least to take a step toward the prison door?
The British author C. S. Lewis realized and made the following note in his journal: “Last week while at prayer I suddenly discovered---or felt as if I did---that I had really forgiven someone I had been trying to forgive for over 30 years. Trying and praying that I might.”
Forgiving others requires patience. Sometimes forgiveness, as Lewis discovered, is something that we only realize in looking back, perhaps after years of struggle. And yet perhaps this morning, (or this evening) God is calling you to take the first step to forgive someone that may have hurt you at work, at school, in your home, or in your childhood.
Reflect on how Christ has forgiven you. Give thanks for it.
Pray that God would help you move toward forgiveness...
Amen.
posted by Shigematsu at 10:07 AM
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