Madde for Relationship (Oct 18, 09)
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CREATION M1 SERMON NOTES OCTOBER 18, 2009
Ken Shigematsu and Mardi Dolfo-Smith
Made for Relationship
Text: Genesis 1:26-28; Genesis 2:18-25
Big Idea: Being made in the image of God means that we are made for relationship.
My older sister works in business, my younger two sisters teach (one is a guidance counselor at a high school, the other teaches literature at a university). My younger brother has worked as a radio broadcaster and as an actor and is now back at school, pursuing a graduate school that will give him the option to teach. I work as a pastor—a vocation that combines some organizational leadership and teaching.
A few years ago as part of our staff retreat, we explored our family trees (as a kind of get to know you exercise). I discovered that on my mom’s side as far back as I could go her ancestors were business people… I found out that on my dad’s side I found at that if you go back far enough his ancestors were teachers (they were Samurai who offered counsel to the Samurai Lord and taught Confucius ethics and literature to the clan (father son, father, father son, father as far back as you can go).
So, I reflected on the fact each my siblings is in business or teaching and I was in a work that combines some organizational leadership and some teaching. I feel we are doing what is in our nature-- what’s in our DNA.
As we look back on our first ancestors Adam and Eve we will discover what is in our nature-- what is in our DNA.
Today we begin a new series looking at creation from texts in Genesis and Revelation. We will explore what it means to be a human being… and what our destiny is.
TEXTS: Genesis 1:26-27, Genesis 2:18-25
Genesis 1:26 Then God said, "Let us make human beings in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, [a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground."
27 So God created human beings in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
Genesis 2:18-25: 18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam [a] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs [b] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib [c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman,'
for she was taken out of man."
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
In Genesis 1:26 we read that God says let us make human beings in our image.
If you read Genesis 1 carefully, you may notice that throughout the entire creation account God is referred to in the singular. God is referred to as either “God” or “He.”
(The use of the pronoun “He” is of course a metaphor. Moses the author of Genesis is using what theologians call anthropomorphic language; i.e., language that attributes human characteristics to God so that we can understand something of who God is in terms we understand. God is neither a “he” nor a “she.” God transcends gender. As we see later in Genesis 1:27, we human beings most completely reflect the image of God through a combination of male and female.)
When we come to Genesis 1:26 where God creates human beings, God changes the way he describes himself. God has been describing himself in the singular, but when he talks about making human beings in his image (in the image of God), God uses the plural “us” to describe himself. God changes the way he refers to himself when he talks about making human beings in his image. Some scholars have argued that when God says “us,” he is referring to the “Royal We.” Sometimes ancient monarchs would refer to themselves in the plural (but don’t see this “royal we” used anywhere else in Scripture). Other scholars believe that when God says “us” God is addressing the angels and the heavenly court. Other scholars believe that God is referring to the community of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (show Rublev’s Trinity icon). But no matter what view you take, we know from later passages of Scripture that God exists in a community of the Father, the Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit and with the angels as well. Darrell Johnson says, “At the centre of the universe is a relationship.”
A great mystery is that God is one, but God is also a community. God is one, but God is also a Father; he is also a Son (Jesus Christ); he is also the Holy Spirit, and God relates to angelic beings as well.
When God says let us make human beings in our image, part of what God is saying is that we humans, like God, are designed to live in community, in relationship--it’s in our nature, it’s in our DNA.
If all this sounds a little too abstract and theoretical, there is concrete evidence in Genesis 1 that we were made for relationship. God has been creating the world and he has been saying that all that he has made is good. God created the light and said it was good. He created the ground and the seas and called it good. God created vegetation, the plants and trees, and said, “These are good.” God separated the light from the darkness, and said, “This is good.” God created all kinds of creatures in the sea and all kinds of birds, and said it was good. God created all kinds of animals, and said it was good.
And then God looked at the entirety of his creation, and said (in vs. 31) it was very good.
But then God says something in his creation is not good. He says, “It is not good that man is alone.” (Genesis 2:18).
This is a breath-taking assertion because Adam seems to have the ideal life. He has an extraordinary relationship with God: It is transparent and intimate and has not been tainted by sin. Adam also enjoys fulfilling, high impact, work. He also has a great blue-collar job as a farmer cultivating land that is fertile and incredibly responsive. He has a great white-collar job as a zoologist and taxonomist, as he names different animals. He is surrounded by a beautiful paradise. Adam is surrounded by extraordinary beauty. He has great food in the Garden of Eden.
And yet, in spite of all this, God says, concerning Adam, “It is not good that you are alone.” And so, what God is saying, in effect, is that you can have a great relationship with God, great work, live in a place of great beauty, have great food, great coffee, but if you don’t have someone in your life, if you don’t have a human being in your life, something is going to be missing because were made for relationship---it’s in our nature; it’s in our DNA.
It is possible to come to a place like Vancouver and re-create the Garden of Eden: have a relationship with God, pursue a good education, have a great job, be surrounded by natural beauty, have great food, but if we are not in a significant relationship with some other human being (I am not necessarily referring to a romantic relationship), something will be missing because were made for relationship--it’s in our nature; it’s in our DNA.
In June The Atlantic featured an article entitled What Makes Us Happy? The article presented a rare longitudinal study where researchers at Harvard have been following 268 men who entered Harvard College in the late 1930s (which has lasted over 70 years and just by coincidence John F Kennedy was in this class). They tracked them through their experiences of war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood, and grandparenthood, and old age. One of the things that surprised these ambitious, elite men, (now in their early nineties) as they looked back over their lives, was the fact that it wasn’t their careers or their visible achievements that brought them the most satisfaction, but it was their families and friendships.
We give lip service about how important relationships are, and as we look back, many of us consider our most joyous memories are with family or close friends over meals, but we often don’t put a lot of energy and investment in this area of lives. The irony is that we can create a “Garden of Eden” for ourselves by putting relationships on the “back burner.” But, without those relationships there will be something very significant missing in our lives because it’s in our nature to be in relationships--it’s in our DNA.
If you don’t have a few significant, flourishing relationships in your life, is there something you can do to invest in those relationships?
God said it is not good for man to be alone. What does God do next? He brings the animals to Adam. None of them are suitable companions, not even the monkey, the dolphin or the Golden Retriever. Why do you think God, who is always loving, and who says it is not good for man to be alone, and then brings him the animals instead of a human being?
Professor Bruce Waltke, an Old Testament scholar, points out that God makes Adam wait for Eve so he will fully appreciate this gift. He makes Adam wait so he realizes that Eve, this fellow human being, is his most precious gift in all creation. When God finally brings Eve to Adam, Adam breaks out in song: “Bone of my bone! Flesh of my flesh! She shall be called woman for she came from the man.” Adam rejoices over this precious gift that God has given him. He is singing over her. Adam rejoices over this most precious gift that God has given him.
When God says it is not good for man to be alone and brings him Eve, God affirms marriage. I recently saw the movie Away We Go. In this film the main characters (show photo) Verona (May Rudolf Saturday Night Live) and Burt (John Krasinski of The Office) are going to have a baby. They love each other and are deeply committed to each other. Burt wants to get married, but Verona doesn’t. She’s not sure why (though Burt has a theory). She doesn’t ever want to get married. There are people today who never want to get married (even though they are truly “committed” to someone). But, here in Genesis God affirms marriage as something good he created.
Now when God affirms marriage, God is not necessarily saying it is God’s will for everyone to be married. In the New Testament part of the Bible we see through Paul’s teaching that the single life is desirable and, practically, spiritual and advantageous in many ways. The only perfect person to walk the face of the earth, Jesus Christ, was single.
When God says it is not good for man to be alone, it means it is not good for us to be without another person…that when we are alone, we are not complete. We are only complete only in a relationship. The African concept of ubuntu speaks to this idea. Ubuntu means we cannot exist in isolation, but only as interconnected beings: “I am because we are.” We were created in the image of a relational God and were we made for relationships--it’s in our DNA.
(transition)
We made for relationship, it’s in our DNA, but there is something that can isolate us from relationships.
In Genesis 2:25 we read these beautiful words: 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Before Adam and Eve chose to sin in Garden of Eden by choosing to live independently of God, they were not just physically naked in each other’s presence and felt no shame…they were also naked in every other way. They were completely themselves with each other. They were free to be completely transparent with each other, in what they were thinking and feeling.
We were made to reveal the truth of who we are with God and with each other. But because of the choice that we human beings have made to turn from God, which the Bible calls sin, and because of the radioactive effects of sin in our lives, we feel shame before God and each other. Instead of revealing who we really are, instead of using our ability to communicate…to demonstrate our true selves…we tend to use words to spin an image that we want to portray about ourselves, an image that we hope will be accepted. Have you ever exaggerated or distorted a story to make you look better? Or pretended that you knew the meaning of a word in a conversation when you didn’t because you were too embarrassed to ask the meaning of the word or you acted like you had seen a movie or knew a song because everyone seemed to be familiar with the movie or song just so you could fit in?
One of the problems with this, of course, is that if we spin an image of ourselves and we are accepted by someone, we will always wonder whether the person accepts us or the image we have spun. There will be a sense of disconnect because we are not sure whether the other is connecting with us, or an image that we are projecting with the person.
Part of the reason why it is difficult to achieve real connection and intimacy with people and with God is because we feel this sense of the shame. One of the ways we can relate to God and people in a more real and free way is by knowing that we are significant because we know we are loved by our Maker.
At this time I am going to invite my colleague, our senior associate pastor, Mardi Dolfo-Smith, to come and share how we can experience this sense of significance as those who have been created by God.
What makes us Valuable?
We live in a culture that values us for our assets – our looks, our money, our brains, skill, talents and relational connections. The truth is that often we value ourselves based on these things – unfortunately there will always be someone smarter, thinner and richer than us! Ken has been talking about a human tendency to “spin an image of ourselves” – to make ourselves look better than we are. We tend to do this unconsciously when we see our own limitations, our weakness and brokenness – When we feel shame at our lack and try to hide this by– projecting a false self – making ourselves look better than we are. Covering ourselves with the proverbial “fig leaf”.
I grew up in an environment where perfection was expected – we were expected to be well rounded – good at sports, academics and artistic pursuits, kind to each other, our friends and neighbours – never anger, never selfish, never irritable, never.
It didn’t take long for me to realize my own limitations: I was great at math – and could excel at a subject that many found difficult – I even had people lining up at my door in residence for help in calculus– but ask me to analyze the theme of a poem or draw a picture ..
I could excel on a volleyball or basketball team, but you don’t want me to sing in your choir.
I made friends easily, but dealing with conflicts and disappointments in friendships were really hard for me.
Sometimes I was angry, sometimes I was selfish..
I lived in a constant state of feeling inadequate – if I wasn’t able to achieve in everything – then I wondered whether I was a valuable or worthwhile person.
Can you take a few seconds now to think of a time when you questioned your value?
That happened for me. If I ever made a mistake, or hurt someone’s feelings, or got angry with a friend, I felt incredible shame. I dealt with a fair amount of self hatred and regularly reminded myself of how worthless I was.
As I began to develop my relationship with God through the help of a spiritual mentor– God began to speak to me, as I read the Bible and as I prayed.
God spoke to me about where my value comes from
– I had a growing awareness that God had created me with strengths and talents – that he had a purpose for me - but these strengths were not what made me valuable,
That God had also created me with areas of weakness, and I had many areas of brokenness – but these did not decrease my value.
The truth began to hit me - my worth was not based on my assets…
it was based on the fact that I was a child of God. God had created me and God loved me. Loved me even more than my earthly parents.
Through my relationship with God and through the support of my mentor – I began to absorb this new identity as God’s child and my self-hatred began to decrease
– I stopped – the negative self talk and began to truly be able to face my weaknesses and my faults without feeling hatred for myself
Becoming a mother – developed a whole new area for me to examine – I think that I found mothering both fulfilling and revealing – it revealed my lacks but it also revealed a new side of love for me and gave me new insight into the love of God, our creator.
As I grew to know my children – I noticed that they too had strengths, incredible strengths and weaknesses – glaring weaknesses – some of them like my own – some of them like my husband’s, and some all their own.
But I also noticed that when I observed these weaknesses – they actually didn’t change my love for my kids. I could actually look upon their weaknesses with a rueful affection.
They were my children, in some sense I’d made them, they’d come from me and I had a kind of grace for them that I didn’t have for anyone else - even my parents or siblings or husband.
It gave me new insight into God the Father/ mother’s love for me, for all of us. God, who created us, is not surprised by our strengths and weaknesses; he does not love us because of our amazing talent nor despise or dismiss us because of out brokenness.
God even continues to look at us with love and affection despite our flaws.
In fact, God, our heavenly father loves us even more, than we as parents love our children, or we as children are loved by our parents. King David the psalmist reminded us of God’s great love for us in Psalm 27 when he wrote– “though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.”
When my youngest son was 3 – he looked at me one day and said, “You guys really love me.” What he said was true, but what thrilled me that he actually experienced our great affection towards him. It’s God’s desire that we, in the deepest place, know that kind of love from God our creator.
What would that be like for us to live in the truth that we are deeply loved?
God longs for us to know that truth – that he really loves us. Not because of what we can do for him or how good and kind we are… he loves us because he is our parent – our father/our mother.
We can truly rest in the fact that we are valuable because we have been created by a loving God. Resting in this love is the beginning – the first thing we need. As we grow to deeply know the love of God, out of this comes our love for God and our love for others. It is God’s love, God’s kindness, God’s grace that enables us to turn towards God and to depend on God.
God’s love is creative and it’s redemptive. It’s based on God’s goodness and not our own.
Experiencing God’s love and acceptance, also enable me to love my friends and family– I have been better able to love and accept others, I have also been able to be more honest with friends - peeling off layers of hiddenness and to become unashamed before them.
God has specifically used marriage to do this for me. It’s hard to be with someone day in and day out for 20 years and them not to see your flaws, your mistakes your weakness. When we were first married – and we had a fight – or I messed up – I kept expecting that to be the end of things – but it wasn’t – Toni kept forgiving me – and I him.
We’ve gone through amazingly great times, and times when we are amazingly disappointed with the other – but God’s love for us has enabled us to see the truth about ourselves, and the other and when we see that truth – to continue to love and forgive.
For me staying stuck in hiddenness – hiding my weaknesses and brokenness did not essentially enable me to see myself as God saw me. Depending on my assets to give me a sense of value – was very limiting.
Engaging with God, bringing all that I am before him – my strengths, my weakness, my sin and brokenness, enabled me to experience God’s love and acceptance. I was loved beyond my assets and my deficits and in turn enabled me to walk away from self hatred. It gave me the courage to engage in real relationship with my friends – allowing them the opportunity to see the real me- offering them an opportunity to honest with me as well – learning to forgive and care for one another.
When we understand in our hearts that we are wholly loved by God—and we see this love most powerfully demonstrated to us through his death on the cross for our sins in the person of Jesus Christ--we can experience healing for our sense of shame and relate to God and people in ways are that are more real, honest, caring, and forgiving.
And will discover that this is what we were made for. We were made for relationship--it’s in our nature; it’s in our DNA.
Prayer and question:
Is there a relationship you are being called to invest in and prioritize in? Pray about this.
Do you need to experience healing from shame? If so, pray you would receive a new sense of God’s love for you.
CREATION M1 SERMON NOTES OCTOBER 18, 2009
Ken Shigematsu and Mardi Dolfo-Smith
Made for Relationship
Text: Genesis 1:26-28; Genesis 2:18-25
Big Idea: Being made in the image of God means that we are made for relationship.
My older sister works in business, my younger two sisters teach (one is a guidance counselor at a high school, the other teaches literature at a university). My younger brother has worked as a radio broadcaster and as an actor and is now back at school, pursuing a graduate school that will give him the option to teach. I work as a pastor—a vocation that combines some organizational leadership and teaching.
A few years ago as part of our staff retreat, we explored our family trees (as a kind of get to know you exercise). I discovered that on my mom’s side as far back as I could go her ancestors were business people… I found out that on my dad’s side I found at that if you go back far enough his ancestors were teachers (they were Samurai who offered counsel to the Samurai Lord and taught Confucius ethics and literature to the clan (father son, father, father son, father as far back as you can go).
So, I reflected on the fact each my siblings is in business or teaching and I was in a work that combines some organizational leadership and some teaching. I feel we are doing what is in our nature-- what’s in our DNA.
As we look back on our first ancestors Adam and Eve we will discover what is in our nature-- what is in our DNA.
Today we begin a new series looking at creation from texts in Genesis and Revelation. We will explore what it means to be a human being… and what our destiny is.
TEXTS: Genesis 1:26-27, Genesis 2:18-25
Genesis 1:26 Then God said, "Let us make human beings in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, [a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground."
27 So God created human beings in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
Genesis 2:18-25: 18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam [a] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs [b] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib [c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman,'
for she was taken out of man."
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
In Genesis 1:26 we read that God says let us make human beings in our image.
If you read Genesis 1 carefully, you may notice that throughout the entire creation account God is referred to in the singular. God is referred to as either “God” or “He.”
(The use of the pronoun “He” is of course a metaphor. Moses the author of Genesis is using what theologians call anthropomorphic language; i.e., language that attributes human characteristics to God so that we can understand something of who God is in terms we understand. God is neither a “he” nor a “she.” God transcends gender. As we see later in Genesis 1:27, we human beings most completely reflect the image of God through a combination of male and female.)
When we come to Genesis 1:26 where God creates human beings, God changes the way he describes himself. God has been describing himself in the singular, but when he talks about making human beings in his image (in the image of God), God uses the plural “us” to describe himself. God changes the way he refers to himself when he talks about making human beings in his image. Some scholars have argued that when God says “us,” he is referring to the “Royal We.” Sometimes ancient monarchs would refer to themselves in the plural (but don’t see this “royal we” used anywhere else in Scripture). Other scholars believe that when God says “us” God is addressing the angels and the heavenly court. Other scholars believe that God is referring to the community of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (show Rublev’s Trinity icon). But no matter what view you take, we know from later passages of Scripture that God exists in a community of the Father, the Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit and with the angels as well. Darrell Johnson says, “At the centre of the universe is a relationship.”
A great mystery is that God is one, but God is also a community. God is one, but God is also a Father; he is also a Son (Jesus Christ); he is also the Holy Spirit, and God relates to angelic beings as well.
When God says let us make human beings in our image, part of what God is saying is that we humans, like God, are designed to live in community, in relationship--it’s in our nature, it’s in our DNA.
If all this sounds a little too abstract and theoretical, there is concrete evidence in Genesis 1 that we were made for relationship. God has been creating the world and he has been saying that all that he has made is good. God created the light and said it was good. He created the ground and the seas and called it good. God created vegetation, the plants and trees, and said, “These are good.” God separated the light from the darkness, and said, “This is good.” God created all kinds of creatures in the sea and all kinds of birds, and said it was good. God created all kinds of animals, and said it was good.
And then God looked at the entirety of his creation, and said (in vs. 31) it was very good.
But then God says something in his creation is not good. He says, “It is not good that man is alone.” (Genesis 2:18).
This is a breath-taking assertion because Adam seems to have the ideal life. He has an extraordinary relationship with God: It is transparent and intimate and has not been tainted by sin. Adam also enjoys fulfilling, high impact, work. He also has a great blue-collar job as a farmer cultivating land that is fertile and incredibly responsive. He has a great white-collar job as a zoologist and taxonomist, as he names different animals. He is surrounded by a beautiful paradise. Adam is surrounded by extraordinary beauty. He has great food in the Garden of Eden.
And yet, in spite of all this, God says, concerning Adam, “It is not good that you are alone.” And so, what God is saying, in effect, is that you can have a great relationship with God, great work, live in a place of great beauty, have great food, great coffee, but if you don’t have someone in your life, if you don’t have a human being in your life, something is going to be missing because were made for relationship---it’s in our nature; it’s in our DNA.
It is possible to come to a place like Vancouver and re-create the Garden of Eden: have a relationship with God, pursue a good education, have a great job, be surrounded by natural beauty, have great food, but if we are not in a significant relationship with some other human being (I am not necessarily referring to a romantic relationship), something will be missing because were made for relationship--it’s in our nature; it’s in our DNA.
In June The Atlantic featured an article entitled What Makes Us Happy? The article presented a rare longitudinal study where researchers at Harvard have been following 268 men who entered Harvard College in the late 1930s (which has lasted over 70 years and just by coincidence John F Kennedy was in this class). They tracked them through their experiences of war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood, and grandparenthood, and old age. One of the things that surprised these ambitious, elite men, (now in their early nineties) as they looked back over their lives, was the fact that it wasn’t their careers or their visible achievements that brought them the most satisfaction, but it was their families and friendships.
We give lip service about how important relationships are, and as we look back, many of us consider our most joyous memories are with family or close friends over meals, but we often don’t put a lot of energy and investment in this area of lives. The irony is that we can create a “Garden of Eden” for ourselves by putting relationships on the “back burner.” But, without those relationships there will be something very significant missing in our lives because it’s in our nature to be in relationships--it’s in our DNA.
If you don’t have a few significant, flourishing relationships in your life, is there something you can do to invest in those relationships?
God said it is not good for man to be alone. What does God do next? He brings the animals to Adam. None of them are suitable companions, not even the monkey, the dolphin or the Golden Retriever. Why do you think God, who is always loving, and who says it is not good for man to be alone, and then brings him the animals instead of a human being?
Professor Bruce Waltke, an Old Testament scholar, points out that God makes Adam wait for Eve so he will fully appreciate this gift. He makes Adam wait so he realizes that Eve, this fellow human being, is his most precious gift in all creation. When God finally brings Eve to Adam, Adam breaks out in song: “Bone of my bone! Flesh of my flesh! She shall be called woman for she came from the man.” Adam rejoices over this precious gift that God has given him. He is singing over her. Adam rejoices over this most precious gift that God has given him.
When God says it is not good for man to be alone and brings him Eve, God affirms marriage. I recently saw the movie Away We Go. In this film the main characters (show photo) Verona (May Rudolf Saturday Night Live) and Burt (John Krasinski of The Office) are going to have a baby. They love each other and are deeply committed to each other. Burt wants to get married, but Verona doesn’t. She’s not sure why (though Burt has a theory). She doesn’t ever want to get married. There are people today who never want to get married (even though they are truly “committed” to someone). But, here in Genesis God affirms marriage as something good he created.
Now when God affirms marriage, God is not necessarily saying it is God’s will for everyone to be married. In the New Testament part of the Bible we see through Paul’s teaching that the single life is desirable and, practically, spiritual and advantageous in many ways. The only perfect person to walk the face of the earth, Jesus Christ, was single.
When God says it is not good for man to be alone, it means it is not good for us to be without another person…that when we are alone, we are not complete. We are only complete only in a relationship. The African concept of ubuntu speaks to this idea. Ubuntu means we cannot exist in isolation, but only as interconnected beings: “I am because we are.” We were created in the image of a relational God and were we made for relationships--it’s in our DNA.
(transition)
We made for relationship, it’s in our DNA, but there is something that can isolate us from relationships.
In Genesis 2:25 we read these beautiful words: 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Before Adam and Eve chose to sin in Garden of Eden by choosing to live independently of God, they were not just physically naked in each other’s presence and felt no shame…they were also naked in every other way. They were completely themselves with each other. They were free to be completely transparent with each other, in what they were thinking and feeling.
We were made to reveal the truth of who we are with God and with each other. But because of the choice that we human beings have made to turn from God, which the Bible calls sin, and because of the radioactive effects of sin in our lives, we feel shame before God and each other. Instead of revealing who we really are, instead of using our ability to communicate…to demonstrate our true selves…we tend to use words to spin an image that we want to portray about ourselves, an image that we hope will be accepted. Have you ever exaggerated or distorted a story to make you look better? Or pretended that you knew the meaning of a word in a conversation when you didn’t because you were too embarrassed to ask the meaning of the word or you acted like you had seen a movie or knew a song because everyone seemed to be familiar with the movie or song just so you could fit in?
One of the problems with this, of course, is that if we spin an image of ourselves and we are accepted by someone, we will always wonder whether the person accepts us or the image we have spun. There will be a sense of disconnect because we are not sure whether the other is connecting with us, or an image that we are projecting with the person.
Part of the reason why it is difficult to achieve real connection and intimacy with people and with God is because we feel this sense of the shame. One of the ways we can relate to God and people in a more real and free way is by knowing that we are significant because we know we are loved by our Maker.
At this time I am going to invite my colleague, our senior associate pastor, Mardi Dolfo-Smith, to come and share how we can experience this sense of significance as those who have been created by God.
What makes us Valuable?
We live in a culture that values us for our assets – our looks, our money, our brains, skill, talents and relational connections. The truth is that often we value ourselves based on these things – unfortunately there will always be someone smarter, thinner and richer than us! Ken has been talking about a human tendency to “spin an image of ourselves” – to make ourselves look better than we are. We tend to do this unconsciously when we see our own limitations, our weakness and brokenness – When we feel shame at our lack and try to hide this by– projecting a false self – making ourselves look better than we are. Covering ourselves with the proverbial “fig leaf”.
I grew up in an environment where perfection was expected – we were expected to be well rounded – good at sports, academics and artistic pursuits, kind to each other, our friends and neighbours – never anger, never selfish, never irritable, never.
It didn’t take long for me to realize my own limitations: I was great at math – and could excel at a subject that many found difficult – I even had people lining up at my door in residence for help in calculus– but ask me to analyze the theme of a poem or draw a picture ..
I could excel on a volleyball or basketball team, but you don’t want me to sing in your choir.
I made friends easily, but dealing with conflicts and disappointments in friendships were really hard for me.
Sometimes I was angry, sometimes I was selfish..
I lived in a constant state of feeling inadequate – if I wasn’t able to achieve in everything – then I wondered whether I was a valuable or worthwhile person.
Can you take a few seconds now to think of a time when you questioned your value?
That happened for me. If I ever made a mistake, or hurt someone’s feelings, or got angry with a friend, I felt incredible shame. I dealt with a fair amount of self hatred and regularly reminded myself of how worthless I was.
As I began to develop my relationship with God through the help of a spiritual mentor– God began to speak to me, as I read the Bible and as I prayed.
God spoke to me about where my value comes from
– I had a growing awareness that God had created me with strengths and talents – that he had a purpose for me - but these strengths were not what made me valuable,
That God had also created me with areas of weakness, and I had many areas of brokenness – but these did not decrease my value.
The truth began to hit me - my worth was not based on my assets…
it was based on the fact that I was a child of God. God had created me and God loved me. Loved me even more than my earthly parents.
Through my relationship with God and through the support of my mentor – I began to absorb this new identity as God’s child and my self-hatred began to decrease
– I stopped – the negative self talk and began to truly be able to face my weaknesses and my faults without feeling hatred for myself
Becoming a mother – developed a whole new area for me to examine – I think that I found mothering both fulfilling and revealing – it revealed my lacks but it also revealed a new side of love for me and gave me new insight into the love of God, our creator.
As I grew to know my children – I noticed that they too had strengths, incredible strengths and weaknesses – glaring weaknesses – some of them like my own – some of them like my husband’s, and some all their own.
But I also noticed that when I observed these weaknesses – they actually didn’t change my love for my kids. I could actually look upon their weaknesses with a rueful affection.
They were my children, in some sense I’d made them, they’d come from me and I had a kind of grace for them that I didn’t have for anyone else - even my parents or siblings or husband.
It gave me new insight into God the Father/ mother’s love for me, for all of us. God, who created us, is not surprised by our strengths and weaknesses; he does not love us because of our amazing talent nor despise or dismiss us because of out brokenness.
God even continues to look at us with love and affection despite our flaws.
In fact, God, our heavenly father loves us even more, than we as parents love our children, or we as children are loved by our parents. King David the psalmist reminded us of God’s great love for us in Psalm 27 when he wrote– “though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.”
When my youngest son was 3 – he looked at me one day and said, “You guys really love me.” What he said was true, but what thrilled me that he actually experienced our great affection towards him. It’s God’s desire that we, in the deepest place, know that kind of love from God our creator.
What would that be like for us to live in the truth that we are deeply loved?
God longs for us to know that truth – that he really loves us. Not because of what we can do for him or how good and kind we are… he loves us because he is our parent – our father/our mother.
We can truly rest in the fact that we are valuable because we have been created by a loving God. Resting in this love is the beginning – the first thing we need. As we grow to deeply know the love of God, out of this comes our love for God and our love for others. It is God’s love, God’s kindness, God’s grace that enables us to turn towards God and to depend on God.
God’s love is creative and it’s redemptive. It’s based on God’s goodness and not our own.
Experiencing God’s love and acceptance, also enable me to love my friends and family– I have been better able to love and accept others, I have also been able to be more honest with friends - peeling off layers of hiddenness and to become unashamed before them.
God has specifically used marriage to do this for me. It’s hard to be with someone day in and day out for 20 years and them not to see your flaws, your mistakes your weakness. When we were first married – and we had a fight – or I messed up – I kept expecting that to be the end of things – but it wasn’t – Toni kept forgiving me – and I him.
We’ve gone through amazingly great times, and times when we are amazingly disappointed with the other – but God’s love for us has enabled us to see the truth about ourselves, and the other and when we see that truth – to continue to love and forgive.
For me staying stuck in hiddenness – hiding my weaknesses and brokenness did not essentially enable me to see myself as God saw me. Depending on my assets to give me a sense of value – was very limiting.
Engaging with God, bringing all that I am before him – my strengths, my weakness, my sin and brokenness, enabled me to experience God’s love and acceptance. I was loved beyond my assets and my deficits and in turn enabled me to walk away from self hatred. It gave me the courage to engage in real relationship with my friends – allowing them the opportunity to see the real me- offering them an opportunity to honest with me as well – learning to forgive and care for one another.
When we understand in our hearts that we are wholly loved by God—and we see this love most powerfully demonstrated to us through his death on the cross for our sins in the person of Jesus Christ--we can experience healing for our sense of shame and relate to God and people in ways are that are more real, honest, caring, and forgiving.
And will discover that this is what we were made for. We were made for relationship--it’s in our nature; it’s in our DNA.
Prayer and question:
Is there a relationship you are being called to invest in and prioritize in? Pray about this.
Do you need to experience healing from shame? If so, pray you would receive a new sense of God’s love for you.
posted by Shigematsu at 3:52 PM
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