Lust (20 Nov. 2005)
Lust (and the path to purity)… November 20, 2005
(The sermon can be heard on line at:
http://www.tenth.ca/audio.htm )
Sigmund Freud wrote about a Victorian woman who, on her wedding night, drugged herself into unconsciousness, leaving a note for her husband which read, “Do with me what you must.”
Some people think the Christian sexual ideal is close to some Victorian ideal.
Quite the contrary, the Bible is not at all squeamish about sex. In fact the Bible celebrates our sexuality in both Old and New Testaments and in the Song of Solomon is an entire book in the Bible that celebrates sexuality between a man and his wife!
We’re going through a series on the 7 Deadly Sins, this Sunday is the last Sunday and we are going to look at lust and sexuality (if kid’s are here are certainly welcome as always, but just to say parents there will be some “PG content.”)
If you have your Bible’s please turn to the first book in the Bible Genesis 39.
Joseph is the favorite son of his father Jacob’s 12… But he hadn’t handled his privileged status very sensitively and he was sold as slave to Egyptians. He ends up as slave in a fairly in home of one Pharaoh’s officials named, Potiphar, the captain of the guard
Joseph and Potiphar's Wife
1 Now Joseph had been taken down to Egypt. Potiphar, an Egyptian who was one of Pharaoh's officials, the captain of the guard, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had taken him there.
2 The LORD was with Joseph and he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master. 3 When his master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD gave him success in everything he did, 4 Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned. 5 From the time he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the LORD blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the LORD was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field. 6 So he left in Joseph's care everything he had; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate.
Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, 7 and after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and said, "Come to bed with me!"
8 But he refused. "With me in charge," he told her, "my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. 9 No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?" 10 And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her.
11 One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. 12 She caught him by his cloak and said, "Come to bed with me!" But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.
13 When she saw that he had left his cloak in her hand and had run out of the house, 14 she called her household servants. "Look," she said to them, "this Hebrew has been brought to us to make sport of us! He came in here to sleep with me, but I screamed. 15 When he heard me scream for help, he left his cloak beside me and ran out of the house."
16 She kept his cloak beside her until his master came home. 17 Then she told him this story: "That Hebrew slave you brought us came to me to make sport of me. 18 But as soon as I screamed for help, he left his cloak beside me and ran out of the house."
19 When his master heard the story his wife told him, saying, "This is how your slave treated me," he burned with anger. 20 Joseph's master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king's prisoners were confined.
The text tells us he was handsome, well built (literally in the Hebrew “fair” or pleasing to look at), Joseph was also a diligent and able worker, a person of deep insight, and with a marked gift of leadership, favored by God and people…. He had charisma… Other than the fact he had the economic status of a slave, he was the “total package.”
Potiphar’s wife takes notice of him, in the Hebrew, literally she lifted up her eyes to him and in the culture this expression means she looked at him with desire and day after day she tries to seduce. And finally she can’t stand any longer, when alone in the house to fulfill his work duties, she grabs him and says come to bed with me…
Joseph responds in this remarkable way… he doesn’t say, ew, you’re not my type! This woman married to a prominent man and may well have been very attractively physically…
But Joseph, responds by saying your husband has entrusted everything he owns has to my care, except you because you are his wife. He responds by saying he will not wrong her husband and says, “How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?”
If you’ve never the read the Bible if you just read about Joseph, this man who according to vs. 21 walks with God, you can deduce from his actions here that sleeping with a person who is married to someone else is wrong in God’s eyes. But if you read more widely the sacred text of Scripture, God reveals that to have sex with someone you are not in the permanent, exclusive covenant of marriage is wrong.
The Bible says in Genesis (and even if you’re new to the Bible, you’ve probably heard this text read at the wedding), “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the 2 will become one flesh… sex was designed by God as a profoundly unitive act, where two people, a man and a woman, would become “one flesh”, i.e., united in every way. Sex was designed by God such that when a person took off their clothes with another human being and united themselves physically, the heart was designed to take off it’s clothes and say I am want give myself to you, not just physically, but emotionally, socially, and economically in every way…
In our culture, sex isn’t presented this way, but when we abuse this teaching, we abuse God’s design for us. Williams College is one the best liberal arts colleges in the North America. At Williams College they had a women’s pride’s week. According the Wendy Shalit who had been a student during this particular, some the women wore stickers… with the words, “Shameless hussy”--which meant mean, I am available and eager for sexual contact. But so many of these engaging in so called casual sex, ended up hurt, angry, feeling so emotionally screwed up, and a few weeks later women started wearing T-shirts saying, “Why does always happen to me?” “Don’t touch me.” “I hate you.”
C.S. Lewis has that people, who want to engage in sex without becoming one in everyway with the other person (emotionally, spiritually, economically, legally) are like people who want to eat without becoming one with the food, i.e. it becoming part of them, i.e. without digesting it. Today we have a name for that we call it bulmia. You don’t need be a dietician to understand that eating and vomiting ravages our body, so having sex with someone that you are not able to become one with, ravages our soul.
I think we can understand the bonding power of sex from a different angle. People do talk about casual sex, young people talk about friends with benefits all that--sounds very causal. But when we find that a daughter, niece, or our sister is being sexually abused we don’t talk about it as causal, whether we believe in the Bible or not, we experience outrage.
I recently saw the powerful, compelling movie North Country. It’s based on the true story about a class action sexual harassment suit. It’s about the first females that were allowed to work in the mines of North America and about how they were sexually harassed. Not long after Josie (the lead character in the moview played Charlize Theron) complains to the president of the company about the sexual harassment, she’s lured in cave by another miner and he grabs thrust her by the front of the neck thrust her down to retaliate… but that’s not the most disturbing scene in the movie. The most disturbing scene in the movie flashes back to when Josie is a high school student… her male teacher asks stay and talk after class and he rapes her, that’s the most disturbing scence. Violence is bad, sexual violence is worse, it takes something from the person…
I grew up in North Surrey… As young person, I’ve experience my share of violence… got my nose broken in a football game—now it’s crooked. I had my share of school yard fights, a bump my the lip from a punch throw in school yard… as far I can tell, I don’t carry stuff with me as a kind of cloud… but in my observation, people who were objects of sexually violence, had something taken from them, there’s nothing casual about it…
Causal is an oxymoron, it’s a contradiction in terms…
Some people say, lust what’s wrong with that?
Isn’t it just a natural appetite like any other? Jesus in the sermon on the describes with the word epimuthia, which literally means an over-desire.
It doesn’t seem in to be normal appetite, in Potiphar’s wife case. The text tells us that she won’t take no from Joseph. Day after and after she keeps coming on to him. When he literally runs from her after she takes him by the cloaks, she wants to kill him. You say, I didn’t see that in the text. Rape is a capital offence in this culture, so falsely accusing slave whose word will not stand up in court of rape is to will to kill. Here’s woman who won’t take no for an answer and who willing to kill a man who won’t deliver what she wants: “that’s an appetite out of wack.”
John White a Canadian psychiatrist and pastor and author in his book Eros Redeemed, says that when love is divorced from sexual desire it can from become addictive. Sexual desire in itself is good, but when we seek to stimulate outside of a love relationship it can become addictive.
Eating is a natural appetite, we eat enough nutritious food, typically we’re satisfied… it’s not you want more and more food, once you’ve eaten… But, when we stimulate sexual desire outside of love, the craving intensifies and can become addictive…
C.S. Lewis points out that if a group of people came to earth and saw people paid to gather in dark rooms and see people, gradually lifting up a curtain… and slowly revealed a hamburger, and they paid to see this they would conclude a) people on earth where starving or b) there was something wrong with their appetites.
Dr. Margaret Cottle, who spoke here earlier this year at a seminar on choosing life said she said if one generation of young people chose to abstain, and practice sexually monogamy (mean sex only within marriage), we could eradicate every single sexual disease.
But a lot of young people would respond by saying, FU loser, you’ve had your fun, I’m having mine. If a doctor says to a diabetic, if you avoid sugar, you’ll live if you injest you may die and hurt a lot of people who are depending on you, Most patients, “Don’t say FU, you’ve had your sugar, I’m having mine!”
How do we overcome lust… that is an inordinate sexual desire that’s disconnected from love…
Live with consciousness of God…
Joseph had this powerful consciousness of God and was able to resist lust…
Joseph, when propositioned by Potiphar’s wife, says how can you do this and sin against God?
Foster a consciousness of God through the Word, the beauty of nature, by serving people who cannot repay you…
I have a close Christian friend who got engaged. I asked, this very close friend, are you having sex with your ___ (and I named his fiancé)? He said no. When I was in high school I was not a Christian and he was sexually active. My friend is really handsome, a star basketball player, class valedictorian in high school. When he was studying at Princeton he gave his life to Christ.
I want to honor God sexually and because of my past, we’ve agree that all we will do is hold hands and maybe a brief goodnight kiss.
He’s a friend who after he became a Christian, he lived out a kind of 2nd virginity because he was lived his life deeply conscious of God.
One of the ways we can stay conscious of God is through a friend that will keep us accountable.
A number of years ago, when I was single, I was on a trip and ended up meeting this actress. She had artistic and wild character… Did the black and white, Calvin Kleinesque, semi-nude modeling… We ended hitting it off. One night, she showed up at my hotel at 12:30 a.m. and 1:00 a.m. She called up to my room, I want to come to your room, but the people at the front desk won’t give me your room number, unless you give permission. I had a bad feeling about this. I should have hung up then, but we started talking and she began giving me all the reasons as to why I should not let her in the room… As we’re talking, I start to get confused as why I am supposed not her in the room, why are we not supposed to sleep together… After 45 minutes of talking, and about 5 or 6 pathetic, I’m about to hang out now, I hung up…
When I reconnected with an accountability friend (happened to be guy who was engaged that I just talked about) … I shared with him what, I’m was confused, so weak… He said, I wish you would have called… I said I though about, but I didn’t want to bother and I was embarrassed to… He said any time night or day you call when you’re potentially in compromising position call…
I was another situation not that unlike the above, different place, different time, different person… and I called a trusted friend… and it helped me escape…
When you’re in a time of sexual temptation, whether or a live person or internet or tv, it’s very easy to get confused… and start to wonder, “Why am I not supposed do this, why is this considered wrong?” And if we can talk to a trusted friend who shares our values in that in the moment of confusion it can make all the difference….
I need in people my life hold me accountable. I met with someone recently, who gave me permission to share his story… He said, I deal with sexual temptation to lust typically at night, so every night, I check and call my accountability friend.
He said, if at any time of the day, I think I need to call... It means I need to call. Even I think I don’t want to bother so and so or it’s embarrassing, If I might need to call, I need to call.
There’s something about being able to confess your temptation that bring clarity and breaks the power of temptation. I know someone (and he gave me permission to share his story). He was on a work related trip and one of his colleagues decided do him a “favor” by hiring two prostitutes to show him a good time. They came to his hotel room early one morning. He looked through peep hole and saw 2 scantily clad woman… talking loudly about how they we’re showing a very good (and they were not thinking about playing scrabble). He crawled back to be and pretended to be asleep.
Long after they were gone, the experience and the memory of was a source of temptation for him. Then he decided he confessed this temptation to his wife and the power was broken.
There’s something about having someone we are accountable and confess to that helps overcome temptation.
Then we see Joseph overcomes sexual temptation by staying way from Mrs. Potiphar. The text tells us that he refused to be with her. One time because of work he had to be in particular part of the home, she came up to him grab’s clock, apparently with quite a firm grip, he turned and ran and she was left holding the cloak.
Part of by keeping God in conscious, through word, beauty, or friends who will keep us accountable. The other is staying and sometime literally running from temptation.
When I travel, the first night I’m usually the most lonely. One trip, I was lonely, bored started channel surf in the hotel room. I came across a scene in a movie, where there was this vibe between two people who seemed like they were about to get physical, better channel surf off it… I’m curious, I wonder if they’ve progressed, I channel surf all the way around, ew definitely more than friends, channel surf back to it… I thinking I’m preach against stuff, I need to be channel back on it…
Now when I’m in a hotel room with a TV, I don’t turn it on.
I know of people who ask for the TV to be removed from their hotel rooms!
As single person living alone, I chose not have a TV.
I know someone at night at their home, who will not channel surf, but to only hit the know sports channels.
I know people of who have anti-porn filters on their computer and people who never use their computer if they are alone. They say, I don’t trust myself.
I know of a person who as a young minister said with his teammates, in his day he saw so many ruining their ministry through affairs, I will never eat alone with woman in a private (if I need to eat with a woman, I’ll do so only in public place), I will never travel alone in plane or even a car with a woman. I’m so glad he set those physical boundaries… he’s remained faithful until now and he’s 84. I’m so glad he stay faithful because he led my grandfather to Christ a few years before my grandfather died. He’s touched so many countless people his Christ. His name is Billy Graham.
(One of reasons to stay close to God and to set up sexual boundaries is to protect our spiritual legacy in the world. (In Arthur Miller’s famous play, Death of Salesman, one day son Biff shows at dad’s while he’s on a sale’s trips. He walks in on his dad in hotel room with the woman he’s sexually involved with. In that moment, Willy Loman loses his any further opportunity to influence his son, Biff. If you compromise, think of all the people, you might lose influence life of. Write their names out.)
How to overcome sexual temptation? Stay turned to God through the Word, beauty and accountability friends, remove yourself from the place of temptation, celebrate and channel your sexuality in positive way.
We see later in Joseph, in contrast to Samson who used his energy to chase women, Joseph channels his energy, in the service of Pharaoh, in the service of his new country, and to bless his family.
A single Canadian man (he’s actually a respected priest) named Ron Rohlheiser in his excellent book the Holy Longing says that males were made to enter into a life, deposit something and bring life… this is a metaphor for our lives… A lot guys think all sexuality is about coming, about having an orgasm.
Sexuality is much more than that, it’s about entering into life deposit something, in order to bring life…
Let’s say a man gets involved in say coaching a boy who’s perhaps been raised by a single parent. This kids trash talking, has an attitude, the coach helps him become a better basketball player and teaches about disciple and respect and how to live… and the kid starts to flourish not just as athlete as a human being…
That coach has expressed his sexual (NOT through any sexual contact, lest you mis-understand, that would be abuse), but he has expressed his sexuality in so far as the man has entered a kid’s life, deposit something, that brings new life…
Ron Rolheiser, points out a woman is built sexually to receive something, seed, nurture to bring life…
When a woman sees something beautiful, nurtures that in her soul, and then express in artistically on canvass she’s expressing he sexuality…
I have a younger sister who was really popular in high schools, by the girls and guys, pretty, in cool set, was voted best dressed student in her graduating class.
She ended up becoming high school, guidance counselor and teacher. She says, at lunch time, instead of eating with the her colleagues, she’ll invite who students don’t have any friends, who would otherwise end up eating along to come her office and sit with her and have lunch… she sits a circle in her office and by nurturing these kids through her welcome and birth life in them and giving she’s expressing her sexuality.
Our sexuality is great gift and can blessing to us if channeled correctly…
So how come by coming to God, fleeing temptation, expressing our sexuality in healthy ways…
John Donne…
Take me to you, imprison me, for I
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
(The sermon can be heard on line at:
http://www.tenth.ca/audio.htm )
Sigmund Freud wrote about a Victorian woman who, on her wedding night, drugged herself into unconsciousness, leaving a note for her husband which read, “Do with me what you must.”
Some people think the Christian sexual ideal is close to some Victorian ideal.
Quite the contrary, the Bible is not at all squeamish about sex. In fact the Bible celebrates our sexuality in both Old and New Testaments and in the Song of Solomon is an entire book in the Bible that celebrates sexuality between a man and his wife!
We’re going through a series on the 7 Deadly Sins, this Sunday is the last Sunday and we are going to look at lust and sexuality (if kid’s are here are certainly welcome as always, but just to say parents there will be some “PG content.”)
If you have your Bible’s please turn to the first book in the Bible Genesis 39.
Joseph is the favorite son of his father Jacob’s 12… But he hadn’t handled his privileged status very sensitively and he was sold as slave to Egyptians. He ends up as slave in a fairly in home of one Pharaoh’s officials named, Potiphar, the captain of the guard
Joseph and Potiphar's Wife
1 Now Joseph had been taken down to Egypt. Potiphar, an Egyptian who was one of Pharaoh's officials, the captain of the guard, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had taken him there.
2 The LORD was with Joseph and he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master. 3 When his master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD gave him success in everything he did, 4 Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned. 5 From the time he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the LORD blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the LORD was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field. 6 So he left in Joseph's care everything he had; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate.
Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, 7 and after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and said, "Come to bed with me!"
8 But he refused. "With me in charge," he told her, "my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. 9 No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?" 10 And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her.
11 One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. 12 She caught him by his cloak and said, "Come to bed with me!" But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.
13 When she saw that he had left his cloak in her hand and had run out of the house, 14 she called her household servants. "Look," she said to them, "this Hebrew has been brought to us to make sport of us! He came in here to sleep with me, but I screamed. 15 When he heard me scream for help, he left his cloak beside me and ran out of the house."
16 She kept his cloak beside her until his master came home. 17 Then she told him this story: "That Hebrew slave you brought us came to me to make sport of me. 18 But as soon as I screamed for help, he left his cloak beside me and ran out of the house."
19 When his master heard the story his wife told him, saying, "This is how your slave treated me," he burned with anger. 20 Joseph's master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king's prisoners were confined.
The text tells us he was handsome, well built (literally in the Hebrew “fair” or pleasing to look at), Joseph was also a diligent and able worker, a person of deep insight, and with a marked gift of leadership, favored by God and people…. He had charisma… Other than the fact he had the economic status of a slave, he was the “total package.”
Potiphar’s wife takes notice of him, in the Hebrew, literally she lifted up her eyes to him and in the culture this expression means she looked at him with desire and day after day she tries to seduce. And finally she can’t stand any longer, when alone in the house to fulfill his work duties, she grabs him and says come to bed with me…
Joseph responds in this remarkable way… he doesn’t say, ew, you’re not my type! This woman married to a prominent man and may well have been very attractively physically…
But Joseph, responds by saying your husband has entrusted everything he owns has to my care, except you because you are his wife. He responds by saying he will not wrong her husband and says, “How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?”
If you’ve never the read the Bible if you just read about Joseph, this man who according to vs. 21 walks with God, you can deduce from his actions here that sleeping with a person who is married to someone else is wrong in God’s eyes. But if you read more widely the sacred text of Scripture, God reveals that to have sex with someone you are not in the permanent, exclusive covenant of marriage is wrong.
The Bible says in Genesis (and even if you’re new to the Bible, you’ve probably heard this text read at the wedding), “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the 2 will become one flesh… sex was designed by God as a profoundly unitive act, where two people, a man and a woman, would become “one flesh”, i.e., united in every way. Sex was designed by God such that when a person took off their clothes with another human being and united themselves physically, the heart was designed to take off it’s clothes and say I am want give myself to you, not just physically, but emotionally, socially, and economically in every way…
In our culture, sex isn’t presented this way, but when we abuse this teaching, we abuse God’s design for us. Williams College is one the best liberal arts colleges in the North America. At Williams College they had a women’s pride’s week. According the Wendy Shalit who had been a student during this particular, some the women wore stickers… with the words, “Shameless hussy”--which meant mean, I am available and eager for sexual contact. But so many of these engaging in so called casual sex, ended up hurt, angry, feeling so emotionally screwed up, and a few weeks later women started wearing T-shirts saying, “Why does always happen to me?” “Don’t touch me.” “I hate you.”
C.S. Lewis has that people, who want to engage in sex without becoming one in everyway with the other person (emotionally, spiritually, economically, legally) are like people who want to eat without becoming one with the food, i.e. it becoming part of them, i.e. without digesting it. Today we have a name for that we call it bulmia. You don’t need be a dietician to understand that eating and vomiting ravages our body, so having sex with someone that you are not able to become one with, ravages our soul.
I think we can understand the bonding power of sex from a different angle. People do talk about casual sex, young people talk about friends with benefits all that--sounds very causal. But when we find that a daughter, niece, or our sister is being sexually abused we don’t talk about it as causal, whether we believe in the Bible or not, we experience outrage.
I recently saw the powerful, compelling movie North Country. It’s based on the true story about a class action sexual harassment suit. It’s about the first females that were allowed to work in the mines of North America and about how they were sexually harassed. Not long after Josie (the lead character in the moview played Charlize Theron) complains to the president of the company about the sexual harassment, she’s lured in cave by another miner and he grabs thrust her by the front of the neck thrust her down to retaliate… but that’s not the most disturbing scene in the movie. The most disturbing scene in the movie flashes back to when Josie is a high school student… her male teacher asks stay and talk after class and he rapes her, that’s the most disturbing scence. Violence is bad, sexual violence is worse, it takes something from the person…
I grew up in North Surrey… As young person, I’ve experience my share of violence… got my nose broken in a football game—now it’s crooked. I had my share of school yard fights, a bump my the lip from a punch throw in school yard… as far I can tell, I don’t carry stuff with me as a kind of cloud… but in my observation, people who were objects of sexually violence, had something taken from them, there’s nothing casual about it…
Causal is an oxymoron, it’s a contradiction in terms…
Some people say, lust what’s wrong with that?
Isn’t it just a natural appetite like any other? Jesus in the sermon on the describes with the word epimuthia, which literally means an over-desire.
It doesn’t seem in to be normal appetite, in Potiphar’s wife case. The text tells us that she won’t take no from Joseph. Day after and after she keeps coming on to him. When he literally runs from her after she takes him by the cloaks, she wants to kill him. You say, I didn’t see that in the text. Rape is a capital offence in this culture, so falsely accusing slave whose word will not stand up in court of rape is to will to kill. Here’s woman who won’t take no for an answer and who willing to kill a man who won’t deliver what she wants: “that’s an appetite out of wack.”
John White a Canadian psychiatrist and pastor and author in his book Eros Redeemed, says that when love is divorced from sexual desire it can from become addictive. Sexual desire in itself is good, but when we seek to stimulate outside of a love relationship it can become addictive.
Eating is a natural appetite, we eat enough nutritious food, typically we’re satisfied… it’s not you want more and more food, once you’ve eaten… But, when we stimulate sexual desire outside of love, the craving intensifies and can become addictive…
C.S. Lewis points out that if a group of people came to earth and saw people paid to gather in dark rooms and see people, gradually lifting up a curtain… and slowly revealed a hamburger, and they paid to see this they would conclude a) people on earth where starving or b) there was something wrong with their appetites.
Dr. Margaret Cottle, who spoke here earlier this year at a seminar on choosing life said she said if one generation of young people chose to abstain, and practice sexually monogamy (mean sex only within marriage), we could eradicate every single sexual disease.
But a lot of young people would respond by saying, FU loser, you’ve had your fun, I’m having mine. If a doctor says to a diabetic, if you avoid sugar, you’ll live if you injest you may die and hurt a lot of people who are depending on you, Most patients, “Don’t say FU, you’ve had your sugar, I’m having mine!”
How do we overcome lust… that is an inordinate sexual desire that’s disconnected from love…
Live with consciousness of God…
Joseph had this powerful consciousness of God and was able to resist lust…
Joseph, when propositioned by Potiphar’s wife, says how can you do this and sin against God?
Foster a consciousness of God through the Word, the beauty of nature, by serving people who cannot repay you…
I have a close Christian friend who got engaged. I asked, this very close friend, are you having sex with your ___ (and I named his fiancé)? He said no. When I was in high school I was not a Christian and he was sexually active. My friend is really handsome, a star basketball player, class valedictorian in high school. When he was studying at Princeton he gave his life to Christ.
I want to honor God sexually and because of my past, we’ve agree that all we will do is hold hands and maybe a brief goodnight kiss.
He’s a friend who after he became a Christian, he lived out a kind of 2nd virginity because he was lived his life deeply conscious of God.
One of the ways we can stay conscious of God is through a friend that will keep us accountable.
A number of years ago, when I was single, I was on a trip and ended up meeting this actress. She had artistic and wild character… Did the black and white, Calvin Kleinesque, semi-nude modeling… We ended hitting it off. One night, she showed up at my hotel at 12:30 a.m. and 1:00 a.m. She called up to my room, I want to come to your room, but the people at the front desk won’t give me your room number, unless you give permission. I had a bad feeling about this. I should have hung up then, but we started talking and she began giving me all the reasons as to why I should not let her in the room… As we’re talking, I start to get confused as why I am supposed not her in the room, why are we not supposed to sleep together… After 45 minutes of talking, and about 5 or 6 pathetic, I’m about to hang out now, I hung up…
When I reconnected with an accountability friend (happened to be guy who was engaged that I just talked about) … I shared with him what, I’m was confused, so weak… He said, I wish you would have called… I said I though about, but I didn’t want to bother and I was embarrassed to… He said any time night or day you call when you’re potentially in compromising position call…
I was another situation not that unlike the above, different place, different time, different person… and I called a trusted friend… and it helped me escape…
When you’re in a time of sexual temptation, whether or a live person or internet or tv, it’s very easy to get confused… and start to wonder, “Why am I not supposed do this, why is this considered wrong?” And if we can talk to a trusted friend who shares our values in that in the moment of confusion it can make all the difference….
I need in people my life hold me accountable. I met with someone recently, who gave me permission to share his story… He said, I deal with sexual temptation to lust typically at night, so every night, I check and call my accountability friend.
He said, if at any time of the day, I think I need to call... It means I need to call. Even I think I don’t want to bother so and so or it’s embarrassing, If I might need to call, I need to call.
There’s something about being able to confess your temptation that bring clarity and breaks the power of temptation. I know someone (and he gave me permission to share his story). He was on a work related trip and one of his colleagues decided do him a “favor” by hiring two prostitutes to show him a good time. They came to his hotel room early one morning. He looked through peep hole and saw 2 scantily clad woman… talking loudly about how they we’re showing a very good (and they were not thinking about playing scrabble). He crawled back to be and pretended to be asleep.
Long after they were gone, the experience and the memory of was a source of temptation for him. Then he decided he confessed this temptation to his wife and the power was broken.
There’s something about having someone we are accountable and confess to that helps overcome temptation.
Then we see Joseph overcomes sexual temptation by staying way from Mrs. Potiphar. The text tells us that he refused to be with her. One time because of work he had to be in particular part of the home, she came up to him grab’s clock, apparently with quite a firm grip, he turned and ran and she was left holding the cloak.
Part of by keeping God in conscious, through word, beauty, or friends who will keep us accountable. The other is staying and sometime literally running from temptation.
When I travel, the first night I’m usually the most lonely. One trip, I was lonely, bored started channel surf in the hotel room. I came across a scene in a movie, where there was this vibe between two people who seemed like they were about to get physical, better channel surf off it… I’m curious, I wonder if they’ve progressed, I channel surf all the way around, ew definitely more than friends, channel surf back to it… I thinking I’m preach against stuff, I need to be channel back on it…
Now when I’m in a hotel room with a TV, I don’t turn it on.
I know of people who ask for the TV to be removed from their hotel rooms!
As single person living alone, I chose not have a TV.
I know someone at night at their home, who will not channel surf, but to only hit the know sports channels.
I know people of who have anti-porn filters on their computer and people who never use their computer if they are alone. They say, I don’t trust myself.
I know of a person who as a young minister said with his teammates, in his day he saw so many ruining their ministry through affairs, I will never eat alone with woman in a private (if I need to eat with a woman, I’ll do so only in public place), I will never travel alone in plane or even a car with a woman. I’m so glad he set those physical boundaries… he’s remained faithful until now and he’s 84. I’m so glad he stay faithful because he led my grandfather to Christ a few years before my grandfather died. He’s touched so many countless people his Christ. His name is Billy Graham.
(One of reasons to stay close to God and to set up sexual boundaries is to protect our spiritual legacy in the world. (In Arthur Miller’s famous play, Death of Salesman, one day son Biff shows at dad’s while he’s on a sale’s trips. He walks in on his dad in hotel room with the woman he’s sexually involved with. In that moment, Willy Loman loses his any further opportunity to influence his son, Biff. If you compromise, think of all the people, you might lose influence life of. Write their names out.)
How to overcome sexual temptation? Stay turned to God through the Word, beauty and accountability friends, remove yourself from the place of temptation, celebrate and channel your sexuality in positive way.
We see later in Joseph, in contrast to Samson who used his energy to chase women, Joseph channels his energy, in the service of Pharaoh, in the service of his new country, and to bless his family.
A single Canadian man (he’s actually a respected priest) named Ron Rohlheiser in his excellent book the Holy Longing says that males were made to enter into a life, deposit something and bring life… this is a metaphor for our lives… A lot guys think all sexuality is about coming, about having an orgasm.
Sexuality is much more than that, it’s about entering into life deposit something, in order to bring life…
Let’s say a man gets involved in say coaching a boy who’s perhaps been raised by a single parent. This kids trash talking, has an attitude, the coach helps him become a better basketball player and teaches about disciple and respect and how to live… and the kid starts to flourish not just as athlete as a human being…
That coach has expressed his sexual (NOT through any sexual contact, lest you mis-understand, that would be abuse), but he has expressed his sexuality in so far as the man has entered a kid’s life, deposit something, that brings new life…
Ron Rolheiser, points out a woman is built sexually to receive something, seed, nurture to bring life…
When a woman sees something beautiful, nurtures that in her soul, and then express in artistically on canvass she’s expressing he sexuality…
I have a younger sister who was really popular in high schools, by the girls and guys, pretty, in cool set, was voted best dressed student in her graduating class.
She ended up becoming high school, guidance counselor and teacher. She says, at lunch time, instead of eating with the her colleagues, she’ll invite who students don’t have any friends, who would otherwise end up eating along to come her office and sit with her and have lunch… she sits a circle in her office and by nurturing these kids through her welcome and birth life in them and giving she’s expressing her sexuality.
Our sexuality is great gift and can blessing to us if channeled correctly…
So how come by coming to God, fleeing temptation, expressing our sexuality in healthy ways…
John Donne…
Take me to you, imprison me, for I
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
posted by Shigematsu at 2:45 PM
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